


The Space Between: Hillary's Struggle

by Fortheloveofhillary



Category: Billary - Fandom, hillary and Bill clinton - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Forgiveness, Humor, Life Lessons, Love, Love Triangle, Mental Health Issues, Passion, Romance, Strength, Turned Tables, dillemas, extramarital sex, hard choices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-17 09:46:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13074288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fortheloveofhillary/pseuds/Fortheloveofhillary
Summary: It's two years after the Lewinsky scandal and Hillary has created a new identity for herself as a New York senator. Though her new career path is challenging and satisfying the rest of her life is a mess. As Bill fights his own personal demons and shuts her and everyone else out, she struggles to deal with her life and what to do next. Little does she know she's about to embark on a life journey that will take her high and low, push her to the limit, test her resolve, and bring her face to face with some of life's most harrowing challenges, choices, and lessons.





	1. Hillary's Struggle Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [purplelacemoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplelacemoon/gifts), [soraya13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soraya13/gifts), [Janeway578](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janeway578/gifts), [RacingHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/gifts).



> I began writing this months ago and it's very long already. I will posting it in chapters to break it up. Here I have brought in some other people in Bill and Hillary's lives and played with these relationships a bit. I have a lot written but a ton is still not yet determined. I will relish feedback and ideas to make it even better. I hope you all enjoy this!  
> Disclaimer: *This work is PURELY FICTIONAL. I own nothing.*

                                                                                            HILLARY’S STRUGGLE Chapter 1

                                                                                                  October, 2002

 

“I have to thank you for inviting me over tonight”, Hillary said, carrying her plate to the sink. “That was fantastic spaghetti, Chuck- and so nice on such chilly night.” She took a sip of her red wine and set the glass down on the counter next to the sink. “I should have you write the recipe down for me.”

“I can do that”, he replied from the kitchen’s center island. He poured the leftover sauce into a Tupperware container. “Just remember it’s the wine that makes the sauce…It would be nice to pass it down to someone who appreciates it and might make actually make it.  I doubt either of my girls will. You know how they are. One isn’t much of a cook and the other hates the sauce. I’m glad my mother has never asked anything about it because if I ever have to explain to her that her granddaughter doesn't like her marquis culinary creation, she's going to have a heart attack."

 “I know exactly what you mean,” Hillary empathized. “Sounds familiar, though. We all love my mother’s chicken noodle soup- except for Chels.” Hillary raised an eyebrow. “She always says it's ‘too chickeny’… whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

Chuck snorted and shook his head. Kids. “I know you two talked today. How’s school going for her?”

“Great”, Hillary replied with a pained sigh as she watched him put the container in the refrigerator. “She’s getting ready to graduate in the spring and already has three job offers- one from Mexico. Life is coming together for her and she’s loving it. I’m not though, as you well know… Oh, Chuck, I miss her so much. Especially with all that’s going on now”. She flashed him a knowing glance.

Chuck nodded. “I know you do,” he replied warmly. “If she goes to Mexico, why don’t you go down there with her?”

Hillary seemed to ponder the thought for the moment and then shrugged. “Eh, maybe for a visit but living there full time doesn’t really appeal to me- and I love New York.”

“Are you sure?” Chuck asked. “I mean, in Mexico the weather is warmer, you love authentic Mexican food, and the music is fantastic…” He shot her a mischievous grin. “They could even teach you how to dance-.”  

Hillary narrowed her eyes, unable to resist a giggle. Her lack of rhythm was a running joke between them.

 “Y’know, it was great spaghetti- and even better wine. But don’t push it, Smartass.” She grabbed a hand towel near the sink and tossed it playfully at him. “We can’t all be Ginger Rogers.”

 Chuck laughed as the towel landed haphazardly on his head. He pulled it onto his shoulder as he made his way toward her at the sink, pan in hand.

“Look, Hill,” He said returning to their core conversation.  “She’s a great kid and she’s gonna do amazing things with her life just like her mother. But don’t worry. You’ll never lose her. She adores you and she’s _always_ going to need you to be there for every important thing in her life. I mean, just think about it. Sooner than you think she’ll have a career, get married- and then dump the grandkids on you on weekends.”

Hillary smiled weakly, imagining it. “That _is_ a nice thought”, she admitted. “I’ll keep that in mind”.

“As for the rest,” he continued, putting his arm around her in a side hug and kissing the top of her head. “I’ve told you before you don’t have to keep living like that. You’re an amazing and beautiful woman, Hillary. You deserve so much better.”

 Without thinking, Hillary melted against him and put her arm around him to return the embrace. It was nice of him to say it but it was hard to believe at the moment. She sure didn’t feel beautiful or amazing. Exhausted, scared, failed, and lonely was more like it. Nevertheless, his sincere kindness was comforting and appreciated.

 “Thank you for that”, she whispered looking up to meet his gaze. His green eyes, full of care, lingered on hers far longer than they should have. Hillary felt a pulse run through her body. These suspended gazes were becoming more frequent all the time.  For months now, this…feeling…this… _magnetic_ _pull_ between them was becoming more powerful every day.

Hillary shifted her eyes down before they revealed too much of her soul. “I’ve tried for so long”, she continued. “I tried everything. I just don’t think I can keep banging my head against the wall, anymore.”

“I know”, Chuck sighed, patting her arm. He released her and continued with washing the emptied pan. “I’ve watched you struggle with it since I met you- and it was going on before then. If he hasn’t shown any change in all this time, he isn’t going to now. I’m not going to belabor the point- we’ve had this conversation before- but you need to take care of you, Hill.”

“I know that”, Hillary agreed. “I guess after thirty years, it’s just hard to detach completely. I still feel responsible for him.”

“I hear you”, Chuck empathized. “You know what I went through with Iris before she split. But, at the end of the day, y’know, you can’t fix it all by yourself. You can’t live the rest of your life dying.”

Unexpectedly, Chuck’s words suddenly hit her like a brick. It was so spot-on. In a nutshell, that was exactly how she felt. Dead inside- like an emotional zombie.  A strong wave of hopelessness and loneliness overwhelmed her. She blinked hard to contain the tears that suddenly welled but they spilled onto her cheeks, anyway. She reflexively brushed them away but more came behind them despite her effort to hold them back.

The pain in her eyes pierced Chuck’s heart. Shit. He hadn’t meant to wallop her over the head with it. He stepped toward her, apologetic concern on his face.  “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“No, you’re right” Hillary responded, tears raining. “You’re absolutely right. You just made me realize how much in denial I’ve been.”

Chuck shook his head, feeling like an ass. “Come here”. As he moved in to embrace her, her arms slid up underneath his, her hands clasping the backs of his shoulders. She clung to him more firmly than she realized. 

The way she felt in his arms sent a current through him that he tried to ignore. He felt her body wracking from sobs she’d been fighting to suppress. Just like the tears, however, they overwhelmed her, anyway. He stood there holding her , gently swaying her side to side, letting her release the pain. At that moment, he didn’t know what more to say- and he knew she really didn’t want him to say a word. She just needed him to be there for her without judgment- for him to be a soft place to fall and he was happy to oblige.

“What the hell happened?” She sobbed, her cheek against his chest. “How did it get to this point? It’s like he’s a dead man walking. There’s no life in his eyes anymore. After all those years of thinking I was doing it right, how’d I let him down?” The questions she rattled off were more to herself than anyone else but Chuck felt compelled to answer. Listening to her blame herself broke his heart.

“It wasn’t _you_ who failed,” Chuck replied, a tenderness in his voice. “This isn’t your fault. You need to know that. Hey…” He brought his hand under her chin and gently tilted her head back. “Look, he has issues that only he can deal with. It’s got nothing whatsoever to do with you. I know it doesn’t feel that way but it’s the truth.”

“You honestly think so?” Tear-filled pools of blue full of vulnerability and raw need looked back at him, unintentionally beckoning and seductive. He nodded an absent-minded affirmation, suddenly unable to speak. Cupping her face with one hand he gently brushed a tear aside with his thumb. His heart and mind were flooded with a need to tell her what she so badly needed to hear. Every part of him wanted to kiss her, touch her, please her- _love_ her in the way she deserved- the way she _needed_.  He could feel her yearning for him radiating like heat, intense and compelling. Lost in her eyes he was captivated, unaware that he was even moving. Before he knew it, his lips hovered inches from hers.  Hillary, just as entranced, found her eyes closing and parting her lips in anticipation. Maybe just one-

 _Buzz_!

They both jumped at the startlingly loud door buzzer.

“Who the hell is _that_?” Chuck wondered aloud with an edge of irritation. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He waited a second and then waved it off. “Must’ve gotten the wrong-“

It sounded again, cutting him off. Chuck rolled his eyes and shot her an apologetic glance. “I’m sorry. Let me see who it is and what they want.”

Hillary nodded in understanding and waved him in the direction of the intercom.

As he tended to the mystery visitor, Hillary wiped the remaining moisture from her face, feeling debased, confused and aroused. Frustrated the moment was broken, yet relieved to be snapped out of the spell before she’d really fucked up. What was she thinking? Had she lost her mind? Chuck was her dearest friend and co-worker.

She let out a frustrated sigh as she turned to the sink and began to rinse off the plates and opened the dishwasher to load it. First plates and then silverware. Now, where was his wine glass?

As she watched the water rinse over each dish, she tried to gather herself. Internally, she was reeling. What the hell just happened, anyway?  The way his arms felt around her, the hungry and passionate way their eyes had met just now was dangerous and she internally chastised herself for being foolish. It wasn’t that something had almost happened that bothered her. It was the fact that she’d found herself _wanting_ it to happen. Badly. She needed to get herself out of there and home before-

Suddenly, she felt it. His hand on her upper arm, his presence behind her, his body heat on her back and his warm breath raining down on her neck. Her knees immediately went weak. She turned around to face him and offer a weak protest. “Chuck, listen”-

His arm hooked her waist and gently pulled her to him, undeterred by her purely reactionary response. He couldn’t take it anymore- someone had to make the first move. Was it an ideal situation? Hell no. But he couldn’t stand by any longer. Just do nothing and let her keep believing that she wasn’t loved or wanted.

She felt a shockwave of excitement course through her body as his eyes, full of a devout want, locked onto hers once more.

“It hurts me when you hurt,” He said softly, his eyes burning into hers. “What does that mean?”

She would’ve offered a sanitized rationalization but they both knew the truthful answer. Denial of that would be both insulting and futile. Hillary’s emotions swirled in a conflicted maelstrom as she desperately tried to decide how to react. It should’ve been an easy and straightforward decision, but it wasn’t -and it terrified her. Here it was- this moment she somehow knew would come. She just hadn’t known exactly when. And, as it was turning out, she was grossly unprepared for it.

 Chuck Schumer had been her good friend and senate partner for well over a year. Having worked together side by side, the two of them had gotten to know one another well, both professionally and personally- including the nature of the problems each of them faced in their personal lives.

Chuck’s wife, Iris, had filed for a divorce and left without warning shortly before Hillary was elected senator of New York. He’d been trying to adjust to life as a bachelor, seeing his grown daughters only occasionally. Most of his time was spent alone  at his condo. Generally he felt lonely…except when he was with his female comrade.

 Initially, he was drawn to Hillary’s razor sharp intelligence, her convicted determination, her self-possession and her ability to transcend difficulty. He so admired how she somehow always emerged stronger, reinvented, and more powerful than before. More respectable and endearing than anything else, however, was her capacity for love, grace, and forgiveness. He’d seen her boundless compassion with children and the elderly. He’d been at her side and witnessed her unrelenting determination to better the lives of veterans, and various populations who needed a champion in their respective corners. He’d been there when she’d lost her composure at Ground Zero the morning after the attacks and how personally she had taken the responsibility to rebuild not just the city but the people who lived in it. Chuck watched her turn her anger into targeted action and then worked alongside her in a passionate and indefatigable crusade to secure government health care assistance to 9/11 first responders. On another level, he’d marveled at the small political miracles she somehow brought into being. He’d seen her turn the proverbial cheek when attacked a multitude of times -and later create meaningful and productive relationships with the very people who had attacked her. In turn, those reconciliations often resulted in some form of political progress- a compromise if not outright victory.

 For all of those reasons and more she both amazed and inspired him. She’d also become the best friend he’d ever had in his life. Full of understanding, she was an active and empathetic listener who was never too busy to lend an ear or reason with him. On more than a few occasions she’d been there to talk him down when GOP tactics or other confrontations in senate chambers got under his skin. She laughed at his jokes, made him feel worthwhile, and enjoyed his company. It was clear she felt safe and at ease with him and the feeling was mutual. And then there was the sheer pleasure of looking at her; at the age of fifty- five she looked years younger with intensely expressive and alluring blue eyes, and a smile that lit up a room. Her golden hair was always beautifully styled and often highlighted with various complimentary shades. Her walk was confident and graceful in the pant and skirt suits that tastefully accentuated her perfectly- proportioned hourglass frame. She was the epitome of a triple threat. She possessed beauty, brains, and power- with a genuine and open heart that pulled it all into one captivating package. As they grew closer, he realized how important she’d become to him- how the package that was Hillary Rodham Clinton was one he’d graduated from admiring to desiring.

He found excuses to call her after they’d parted for the day, and once in a while they had dinner together. He caught himself thinking about her when it seemed out of place. When they were apart for even short periods of time he felt her absence. During the day at work, he found himself mesmerized by her every movement and his eyes would linger on her far longer than he intended. He fought an increasingly powerful need to just be near her.

Nights were the worst, though. No amount of television he watched alone in bed could drive her from his thoughts. He did his best to ignore the nagging voice in his head that told him he was falling, but he knew deep down that he was hopelessly head over heels.

Hillary and Bill had struggled to put the pieces of their marriage back together since the Lewinsky scandal. Though they had remained together and united publicly, there was an ever- expanding void in place of the open, trusting, and natural-feeling relationship that had once existed between them. She still loved her husband and she knew she always would. But her ability feel close to him had been hampered. She knew Bill was struggling with feelings of estrangement, too. He was distant and preoccupied. Restless. Over the past two years he’d developed a penchant for isolation. At an increasing rate, he would sit in his library at their Chappaqua home reading or just staring out of the window. Rarely did he smile anymore or show interest in any in- depth conversation. On several occasions over the past year, she’d tried to speak with him, utilizing various techniques to break the ice and connect with him- to get him to respond. All efforts were to no avail. She initiated counseling for both of them and insisted he see a doctor but he refused. Each time she tried and failed she felt even more shut out than when she’d started. Gradually, her frustration, pain, and isolated loneliness devolved into a somber and dull acceptance that this was their new reality. The outgoing, gregarious and trusted best friend she’d married so many years ago, was no longer with her- and he didn’t appear to care, either. The question was how long she could continue to live with it. Thank God for her work and the people who kept her going- like her closest co-worker.

 In the past fourteen months, Chuck had been such a lift to her spirit when she most needed it. Despite his tough, no-nonsense persona in the public political arena, he was privately big-hearted and not afraid to show his emotions.  Lively and full of good humor, he always made her laugh even when she felt like she couldn’t. He was there to listen to her concerns, offer advice, and even wipe away a tear or two. In his presence she felt valued in a way she hadn’t in ages and for some time now she’d felt the shift in the emotional landscape between them. It had evolved from co-workers to friends to close friends. Now, an undeniable attraction had developed between them that changed the game.  Each time they were together, they found themselves wrestling an unspoken, yet increasingly intense sexual tension that now seemed to be reaching a boiling point.

          “Chuck..” Her mind, her common sense told her to protest, to stop this slope they were beginning to slide on. But everything else within her screamed for his touch. “This can’t happ-“

Chuck interrupted her half- hearted resistance bringing his face inches from hers, his warm, wine-scented breath mixing with her own. As he had done before the interruption, he brought a hand up to cup her face. They held one another’s eyes and conversed wordlessly:

**_I’m in love with you, he said_ **

_I know and I’m falling too… she replied_

**_He isn’t there for you_ **

_I know. But thirty years_

**_I need you_ **

_And I need you_

**_You’re all I can think about_ **

_You make me feel things I haven’t felt in years_

**_I can’t fight this anymore_ **

_I know, but I’m scared- this shouldn’t happen._

**_If that’s what you truly feel tell me so and walk away._ **

_…I can’t_

**_Because you know -we both know- it needs to…_ **

And it would.  


	2. Hillary's Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hillary's life is a hot mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot, hot, hot! A long chapter full of sensuality. Enjoy!

Chuck slowly closed the small space between them, lightly brushing her lips with his own. Hillary’s heart began racing, her body trembling both from fear and pent up sexual energy. His lips brushed over hers again… and again, this time with his tongue gliding over them. Despite herself, Hillary parted her lips further, welcoming a deeper kiss. His tongue entered her mouth mingling with hers -and she immediately reacted, reciprocating with fervor.  Her rational mind screamed at her to stop, to pull away and fight it. But she had neither the strength nor the desire to do so. Why would she? Just like him, she’d been lonely for far too long- and she was tired of denying the love, given freely and with joy, right in front of her.

He felt _so damn good_ and so _right_ in this moment. She closed her eyes to savor the sensation as she felt his lips move from her mouth to her cheek and then on to nape of her neck. She shivered slightly as goose bumps erupted on her tingling skin. His warm hand slid up behind her head allowing her to lay it back into his palm. Her breath quickened and caught involuntarily as he paused in various points to suck gently on the areas she reacted to most. She could hear his lustful breathing synching with hers in a hypnotic rhythm, pulling her deeper into the euphoric abyss.

“My God,” Chuck whispered, his breath hot on her ear, as he reveled in her. “You are just… _intoxicating..._ You’re so damn beautiful _._ ”  

She moaned involuntarily.  Aside from the physical pleasure, being desired and needed was emotionally electrifying. Her internal voice of reason was fading by the second.

His body seemed to vibrate in need of her- every part of him alive and aroused. His pants were tight in the groin and his pulse pounded in his ears as he took in the scent of her perfume. It was a delicate, feminine musk that wore perfectly on her, and it intensified his excitement in spades. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this high or insatiable.  She was captivating- everything he ever wanted and needed. She was light and love, comfort and beauty- everything that had been missing in his life for so long. For months he’d fought it all. Fought getting involved and caring too much. Fought falling. Fought every urge out of respect. But he couldn’t fight anymore. Hell, the battle had been futile anyway. Tonight she let him know she needed him, and he wasn’t about to turn away from the chance to express to her what he felt for her deep in his heart. He wanted to be there and take care of her. To make her feel like the beautiful, desirable woman she was.  Any consequence could be damned. He didn’t care. He had no idea where this would lead and he would wrestle with that later. For now, though, in this sacred moment, she was his - and he was going to both seize and savor every second.

He brought his lips back to hers once again, tasting the light sweetness of her lip gloss. Pulling back briefly she looked into his face. His eyes were heavy with besotted want and she finally admitted to herself fully that she wanted him to have his way- that she wanted this just as much as he did. In that moment, she surrendered, allowing her heart and her primal instincts to take over.  It felt terrifying yet exhilarating. _Liberating_.

          “Love me” She pleaded softly, her voice laden with raw need.

          Eager to please, Chuck wasted no time. He delved into her lips again as she melted in his arms, kissing back with a commanding ferocity. Hillary could feel herself swelling and pulsing in her center, anticipating what was to come. She brought her hands down to his hips and slid them around his back and down over his buttocks. Chuck closed his eyes and groaned softly as he enjoyed the contact. She sighed as the evidence of his intentions poked into her pelvic bone through their clothing, igniting her even further. His hands moved along her flank and around to her back. They were warm and felt exquisite on her body through the thin veil of her silk blouse, igniting every nerve ending. She reached a hand up to begin unbuttoning her blouse. Chuck quickly laid his hand on hers and eased it away.

          “Let me”, he pleaded politely, his voice a husky rasp. “Let me take care of _you_.”

Panting, she willingly allowed him free reign.

Chuck’s hands followed the curve of her waist, gliding up her torso to the sides of her breasts again before meeting at the delicate buttons on her white silk blouse.  Hillary’s eyes were riveted on his, darkened with an angst-filled desire. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. Again he tilted her head back and kissed her deeply as his left hand began unbuttoning her blouse. He pulled away from her mouth and began moving down her neck toward her cleavage and now-exposed lace bra. Hillary leaned back against the counter further exposing her neck and bosom. He released the final button, moved the fabric aside and smoothed his hand over her bare waist to the small of her back to provide additional support. The contact made her skin twitch. Leaning back into his hand, an involuntary whimper fell from her lips. His tongue traced slowly along the swell of her breasts where it met the fabric of her bra.

Hillary closed her eyes and relished each of the sensations both separately and in concert. The warmth of his hands on her skin, the softness of his lips, the wet silk of his tongue, the way he cradled and supported her in his hands. She noted how they trembled. It was clearly all he could do to restrain himself and keep focused on going slow and putting her needs before his own. His self-control and diligence made clear to her his love and respect for her, further fueling her need for him. She shuddered and caught her breath as she felt his fingertips dance lightly up her spine. Her bra slacked as he unhooked it.

“Wait”, she breathed softly holding up her index finger. He met her eyes, questioning. She gestured for him to bring his head up level with hers. Once he did, she brought her lips to his, locking them in another decadent kiss. His hands caressed her hips and pulled them tightly to his. She slid her hands around his waistline and began pulling his tucked button-up shirt out from under his belted slacks. Once she’d freed his shirt tails, she pulled her head back and locked his gaze again, holding it captive. Her eyes burned into him as she returned the favor, starting from the bottom up. Finally, his shirt hung open exposing his toned chest. Hillary placed her hands, palms-down on his stomach and ran them slowly and softly upward over his pecks. She heard him take a ragged breath and swallow hard as her touch electrified him. She planted wet, seductive kisses against his sternum as her hands continued upward. She found his lips again as her hands fanned out on each side, sending his shirt lapels over his shoulders. She leaned into the front of him again pressing her chest against his.

“ _I want you_ ” he nearly hissed in passion. 

          “ _Take me to bed_ ”, she responded in equal measure.

          Chuck quickly shifted his stance, and with one arm around her, leaned down and brought the other up behind her knees. Hillary jerked in surprise as she felt her feet leave the floor.  

“You’re alright, Baby,” Chuck assured her with a loving smile. “I’ve got you”.  Down the hallway he carried her, his lips on hers all the way.  They went through a doorway and few steps later he stopped. Slowly he lowered her feet to the floor and released her near the edge of the bed. Her blouse still hung open, her breasts loosely held in the bra cups. Chuck brought his hands up to cradle the sides of her breasts, leaning down to kiss the swell of each one. “You are the sexiest woman I have ever known,” he murmured, kissing her cleavage, chest and neck. Hillary shuddered again as he eased the blouse off of her shoulders, letting it slide down her arms to the floor.  His index fingers traced back down the front of the bra straps and then hooked under them. He delicately lifted the strap over her right shoulder, his lips following in its wake. Hillary sighed as he repeated the action on the left. The bra danced down her front before joining the blouse on the floor. Chuck took a step back, pausing a moment to take in the sight of her. She was a vision to behold, standing there, her breasts round and supple, her nipples erect. Her golden, loosely curled hair swept across the shoulders that topped her still- perfect hourglass frame.  He stepped forward and took her in his arms, sighing in delight at the feeling of her bare -skinned breasts on his. Hillary craned her neck upward to kiss his as her hands came between them to unfasten his belt and pants. Chuck’s blood raced through his veins as he felt her lips, soft and smooth, travel across his skin while her hands assisted his pants over his rump and down his legs. He stepped out of them. Reaching down, she unbuttoned her own lightweight dress slacks. They too drifted to the floor as soon as the button and zipper  were released, revealing lace panties that matched their upper counterpart.

Chuck placed his hand behind Hillary’s head and brought her lips to his, his tongue darting in and out of her mouth, gently biting her lower lip. She responded in kind.

 He caressed her bottom and then slid his hands down the backs of her thighs. Just above the back of the knee, he lifted upward, bringing her up to straddle him. Hillary hooked her arms around his neck for support as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Eager and hungry, they ground against one another, rewarding each other with delectable moans. His slow and methodical seduction was creating a tension that struck the perfect balance between exhilaration and frustration. Each kiss, touch, and whisper was stoking the fire within her to levels she couldn’t remember ever reaching before. She felt unleashed, assertive, and focused. She felt… _alive._

Chuck leaned forward, hand still behind her head as he lay her across the bed.  His hands traveled from her knees up her thighs circling around her groin to her hips. Hillary’s stomach trembled and twitched in anticipation. He brought his body over her, running his tongue in a line from the top of her panties to her cleavage.

 “Oh my God” Hillary breathed shakily. He pressed the head of his erection against her opening and kissed her again. She thrust her hips forward again, spurring him on.  Now on a targeted mission, Chuck moved back down and took each of her breasts in his mouth, sucking gently on each of her nipples respectfully, tenderly. Hillary let out an involuntary sigh as her back arched.. “Chuck-“ Her voice filled with an urgency, caught in an adrenalized rapture.

          “ I told you I’d take care of you” he said hoarsely, “ and I fully intend to do just that.” He continued running his tongue back down the way he’d come and stopped at her panties.  Kneeling down at the side of the bed, he placed a gentle kiss directly on her covered sweet spot. He slid his hands up her thighs once more and hooked his fingers into the delicate waistband of her panties. He eased them down her legs, over her feet and placed them on the bed beside her. Her sex was wet, swollen, and pulsing. He brought his hands up under the backs of her knees again, lifting and spreading her legs. He placed a kiss on the inside of each thigh and began.

Hillary felt his hot breath and wet tongue contact her opening as he tasted her.  She inhaled sharply, her legs trembling involuntarily. His tongue fluttered delicately over every part, flooding her body with intense pleasure. He inserted a finger to provide her with partial relief while he tended to her sweet spot. Hillary closed her eyes and writhed underneath him, her hips thrusting forward to meet him. Chuck groaned in excitement each time she cried out from his admirable performance. She was more sexy and seductive than he could’ve imagined and his desire for her kept escalating. He wanted to suspend the moment in time infinitely.

Wrapped securely in this erotic fantasy come true, Hillary finally let any final remnants of inhibition go. She felt feminine, desirable, and primal -and she wanted to explore this experience to its full degree. But she didn’t want to go over the edge. Not yet.  She also wanted a chance to please him. Running her fingers through his hair, she got his attention.

“My turn,” she nearly gulped, her breath labored . She gestured him up on the bed with eyes intensely focused and drunk on lust. The sight of them sent a pulse akin to orgasm through Chuck’s body.  He took her in his arms again, as he fell on to the bed beside her. They lay there for a moment kissing before Hillary took the lead. She repositioned her body on top of his, straddling him on her knees. She was so tempted to slide onto him, but she held back. As badly as her body screamed for it, the tension was delicious enough to hold out just a little bit longer. Now it was her turn to bring him to the brink, to please him which she desperately wanted to do. She moved downward slowly, grazing her lips sensually against his chest and abdomen. She inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of him. Her nostrils filled with a pleasant mixture of his natural male scent and his faded spiced cologne. She closed her eyes and relished the essence of him- this man who had shown her unconditional love and acceptance, who had met her needs, and had awakened within her a part of herself she thought had died long ago. She loved him more than she’d allowed herself to admit until now- for good reason. But she would struggle with those reasons and conflicted emotions later. At the moment, cool logic and common sense were separated from her- like a skin of distant and cumbersome distractions she’d temporarily shed. Here and now she focused only on him and on this sensually blissful world that belonged only to the two of them.

As she descended upon him, enveloping him with her lips, Chuck gritted his teeth to quiet a gratified holler, further incentivizing her. He gently combed his fingers through her hair and then swept it up in his hands to keep it out of her way. She pleased him skillfully and with care. He closed his eyes and pressed up toward her, Hillary taking him in deeper. Both his emotions and his body were on overdrive and he found himself inching toward the brink quickly. “ _Ooooh… Hil- Hillary_ ,” he managed. “That’s so….incredible.” Hillary intensified her performance for a moment, feeling empowered and even more aroused as she watched his reaction. He was getting close. She slowed down and eased back a bit, his need for her now at a fever pitch.

“I can’t take this anymore” He panted. “I need you.”

“My thoughts exactly” she replied. She brought her lips back to his and straddled him again. Then, pulling away, she rocked back and hovered just over his erection. Chuck’s hips thrust forward desperately seeking relief. “Hillary!”

A small, satisfied smile crossed her lips knowing she’d broken his will just as he’d broken hers earlier. She came forward again to kiss him one last time and hone in on his gaze. “I love you”. She said, sincerity emitting from her sapphire eyes.

Then, not waiting for a response, she rocked back again, at long last sinking him deep within her. They both gasped in long-awaited, ecstatic relief. She began to rock her hips, causing him to move inside of her. She sighed and moaned deliciously, finally sating the need for a union she’d been starved of for so long. Chuck moved in time with her, stabilizing her body with his hands on her hips as they established a tantric and decadent rhythm. . She was warm, wet, and tight on him and he had to concentrate intently to keep from climaxing too soon. He offered up a series of deep, forceful penetrations amply rewarded by her vocal approvals. She tilted her head back as she rocked with him, enveloped in a lust-drunk trance. Chuck looked up at her, mesmerized. Nothing of the pragmatic, collected woman he knew remained. She’d transformed into an erotic goddess, acting on pure, unadulterated physical and emotional need. And she needed _him_. Wanted _him_. Considering that Hillary never gave herself up easily on any level, he felt truly honored and blessed she felt him worthy.

He began to explore her body with his hands traveling around her hips and up her back. He could feel the movement of her back muscles and the shifting of her shoulder blades under her soft, silky skin.

“I love your hands on me” she managed through a breathy sigh, her eyes half closed.  

“So do I,” he replied, bringing them over her shoulders and down her arms. He took her hands in his and pulled her to him, enveloping her in his arms as he rolled atop her. “I wanna touch you forever.”

Continuing the rhythm, he kissed her deeply. Hillary reciprocated, running her fingers through his brown hair and then down his back. He pulled his head back to look at her. Her blonde hair sprayed across the pillow, her cerulean pools looking back at him, glowing with adoration. He cupped her face, tracing over her lips with his thumb.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” He asked, his voice a thin rasp. “Everything about you is so…gorgeous and sexy.” He eased back on his pace, shifting to slow, deep penetrations. Hillary’s back arched and her eyes fluttered as she gasped in pleasure.

“Careful”, she chided, breathless. “A girl could get used to that sort of flattery, y’know”.

Chuck smiled for a moment, pure love emanating from his emerald eyes. “You _should_ be accustomed to that”, he said suddenly stopping his movement in order to gain her full attention. He wanted her to really hear him. “You should hear it every single day.” he said seriously. “…because you are-in _every_ way… inside and out.” Hillary bit her bottom lip and her eyes shifted downward. Emotion was overcoming her. “Hillary, look at me”, Chuck said softly. She brought them back to his, tears welling. Chuck’s heart melted.  “I’ll never let you forget it…You don’t have to hurt anymore… Hillary, I love you so, so much.”

 She swallowed hard as a tear escaped her eye and ran down her temple. She caressed his cheek with her soft-skinned hand letting her eyes respond.

Chuck tilted his head to the side and kissed away the rolling tear from her temple. Sliding his arm under her again, he tightened his embrace and buried his face in her neck as he resumed motion. Hillary closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek against his, cherishing the intimacy.

 Her heart felt ready to burst with emotion. He made it clear he was deeply in love with her. She had fallen just as hard for him. There was no denying that now. Everything from his looks to his intelligence and the way he made her laugh. The mixture of passion and reverence in his eyes whenever he looked at her. The tender way he touched her and how he put her needs first.  The way he felt perfect inside of her, like he’d been made just for her.

She felt safe and protected in his arms-sheltered from all the pain that plagued her life. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time. In such a… very long time.

For quite a while, they continued on, exploring, enjoying and pleasing one another before the passion reached a fever pitch. Hillary’s erotic cries became more intense, exciting Chuck more as he picked up the pace and brought himself close to his own unraveling.

Hillary panted and moaned as she clenched the sheets above her head. “ _Oh God- oooh, Honey_!”

“God, yes, Baby,” he urged, the mellifluous sound of her pleasure intoxicating him. “Come for me.”

Within seconds he felt her tighten around him as her body stiffened. He moved faster yet, being sure to take her over the edge. Her breath became more rapid as her back arched, grinding the back of her head against the mattress below. A series of explosive and satisfied cries erupted from deep inside of her as she came undone, her body shuddering as it rode a long wave of ecstatic release. She sputtered his name along with something else unintelligible.

 The sound of her orgasm brought Chuck’s own suppressed but powerful climax to the surface.  “Hilllaaary!” he hollered as his hot essence pumped inside of her. “Oh, God!” He continued to thrust, slowing gradually until he’d been drained and she’d been completely satisfied. Thoroughly spent, he collapsed gently on top of her, feeling her contractions still pulsing.

For a moment, they just panted, feeling the euphoria of the endorphin rush. Hillary closed her eyes, enjoying the weight of his body on hers. She ran her hands up and down his back and kissed his neck. Once they’d caught their breath a bit, his lips once again found hers for a long, tender commencing kiss before he rolled off of her and onto his back.

She turned her head to look at him, a warm and loving smile on her face. She took in a deep breath and blew it out. Coming out of the haze of sexual transcendence, she felt a bit sheepish having let go so completely. However, the beet red complexion and somewhat shy smile Chuck presented let her know she wasn’t alone in her feelings.

“Wow” she said, her arms stretched out. “I’d forgotten what it felt like to...” her words trailed off. “well, never in my   life have I experienced it like… _that.”_

Chuck turned on his side and put his arm around her, pulling her tightly to him. His eyes danced as he took her hand and laced his fingers between hers. “I have imagined this a million times” he said, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it. “and I didn’t even know anything _that intense_ was even possible. My God, we just put 20 year-olds to shame.”

Hillary nodded with a smirk and a wink. “Must’ve been the spaghetti sauce.”

They both giggled as he kissed her forehead and then nuzzled her nose with his. “ _You. Are. Amazing.”_

She reached up to caress his cheek. “You’re pretty amazing yourself.”

          “I’m also pretty sure I just hit my workout quota for the week”, Chuck joked sitting up.. “And I’m thirsty- you?”

Hillary nodded.  “Yeah, I could drink something.”

Chuck got up and headed for the doorway. “Be right back”

Hillary lay there listening to him putter in the kitchen down the hallway. A touch of drowsiness now took hold. After a few minutes Chuck returned with a tray holding a glass of ice water, two wine glasses and the half full bottle of red wine they’d opened earlier.

Hillary smiled. “Wow, you’re really going all out.”

“Anything for you,” he replied softly, setting the tray on the nightstand next to her. He handed her the glass of ice water and proceeded to fill the wine glasses.

Hillary drained half the glass and set it down. Chuck handed her the glass of wine and climbed back into the bed beside her with one of his own. He propped several pillows against the headboard and reclined into them taking Hillary back in his arms. She nestled in beside him, her head on his shoulder. For a moment they just sat silent, sipping wine and enjoying the warmth and closeness.

“So,” Hillary said “it just occurred to me I never got a chance to ask who the unexpected caller was.”

“Oh- Oh yeah,” Chuck laughed softly. “It was some drunk guy asking me to let him in. He insisted he lived in this unit. I had to tell him he had the wrong building. He argued with me for second but I convinced him I was right.”

Hillary nodded, unsurprised. “Well, this _is_ New York after all.”

“That’s right” Chuck said, holding up his glass for a toast. “Here’s to the Big Apple.”

Hillary clinked her glass with his. “ Here, here.”

“And to dreams come true.” His eyes locked with hers and he leaned in for another kiss which Hillary granted.

          Chuck’s expression became serious. “Will you stay here with me tonight?” he asked, caressing her soft, bare arm.

Hillary tilted her head up to look at him, a love in her eyes that moved something deep within him. “I’m not going anywhere”, she answered. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”

He bent his head forward to kiss her lips. “I love you.” He said.

          “And I love you.”

Hillary took a last sip of wine and handed the glass back to Chuck who set it down on the nightstand next to his own. Chuck slid back down to a laying position bringing her with him. She yawned as she slid down further, bringing her head to rest on his chest. She reached behind her back, grabbing the rumpled fleece blanket and tossed it over both of them. Chuck took the cue, reaching up to turn off the bedside lamp. He lay there and closed his eyes, just feeling her body in his arms, her body wrapped around his. This was like heaven- literally a dream come true and his heart cherished every breath he heard her take. He thought about how this evening had started and how their lives had just irreversibly changed in just a few short hours. He prayed she’d have no regrets. He sure didn’t.

          “I hope you’ll consider staying with me, Hillary”, He said quietly. “I’m not a perfect man by any stretch but you’d always know I’d be there for you and that you came first.”

He expected a response, but there was just silence. “Hill?”

Still quiet. He looked down. Her eyes were closed, her breathing slow and rhythmic in sleep. She was, for the first time in a very long time, totally at peace.

He smiled and shook his head feeling a little foolish that he’d been talking to himself. But, then again, maybe it was a good thing she hadn’t heard him. He might’ve scared her, asking for too much too soon. He tightened his arm around her and closed his eyes. Within moments he drifted off, dreaming of what the future might bring- hoping there’d be many more nights just like this one.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short little chapter while I work on more but it keeps the fun and sexual tension alive, I think. Things are going to continue to get more and more interesting with different twists and turns. So despite a short chapter here and there, it won't be a short story by a long shot. Enjoy this for now

Hillary Clinton’s Senate Office

New York, NY

          The busy morning activity seemed to be shrouded in a misty haze. Hillary was aware of people and she interacted per normal, but mentally she wasn’t really there. Sitting at her desk, she found herself gazing out of the window, lost in reverie. She was still high on last night and the delicious reprisal this morning.

 Closing her eyes she could still feel him spooned behind her, his sex erect and poking into her bottom- igniting her desire immediately. She could feel his soft lips skimming over her bare neck and shoulder as his hand tenderly kneaded her breast. Soon after, his slow, deep, and satisfying penetrations from behind. Her heart skipped a beat thinking of his hands as they  gently and erotically massaged her back and other unmentionable places as he made love to her. He’d brought her to the height of ecstasy again- this time not once but twice before going himself. Her eyes opened and she caught her breath, feeling overheated. He was an unbelievably talented and attentive lover and she hoped she measured up to his expectations.

She felt like a dreamy, spaced-out teenage girl this morning: Giddy and preoccupied, infatuated… _In love_. And it was wonderful.  It was also messy and confusing. But right now she didn’t care. At long last, she was living again instead of merely existing. If she was learning anything about life lately, it was that life was definitely not black and white. More often it was various shades of gray and the line between right and wrong was, in matters of the heart, often difficult to discern. But her heart was bursting with exuberant joy and it said this felt right -even if her mind disagreed.

She laughed at herself as she palmed her face with both hands. _Get it together, Hillary_ , she thought out loud. _Let’s get the game face on and get some work done._ Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and looked at her schedule for the day. Meetings galore- and she had no interest in any of them at the moment.

          “Hillary.”

Hillary’s head snapped out of her daze to see her personal scheduler peeking in. “You’ve got a briefing in a half hour.”

“Ah, yeah, I just saw that here on my card. Thanks, Savannah. Can you gather my info, please?  I’ll be right back. Need to run to the ladies’ room.”

“Okay”, Savannah replied. “I’ll get that ready and I’ll retrieve your messages from earlier this morning as well.”

“Sounds great.” Hillary said standing up from her chair. “Appreciate it.”  

As soon as Savannah disappeared, Hillary pulled her flip top phone out of her purse, tucked it inside of the waistband of her dress slacks and headed for the restroom. Once safely inside, she retrieved it and dialed, feeling like an addict needing a fix. It rang only once before he picked up.

“Hi,” Chuck’s voice was soft and breathy on the other end, immediately arousing her. “You must have a psychic gift. I was just about to call you.”

Hillary closed her eyes and smiled. “I just called to…I don’t know…I guess I just needed to hear your voice. What are you doing?”

“Well,” he sighed. “I’m supposed to be prepping for a briefing but I’m having trouble...”He paused. “ _concentrating_ for some strange reason.” Hillary could hear the smile in his voice.

Hillary giggled softly. “Good to know it isn’t just me, then.”

“No, it’s not.” He admitted. “I’ve thought of nothing but you since we left my place this morning…What are _you_ doing?” he asked.

“I’ve snuck into the restroom to call you if that tells you anything.” Hillary said . “I also have briefing this morning and I have absolutely no interest in any of it. Oh, Charles Schumer, what have you done to me?”

“Do you want me to stop?” Chuck teased.

“You better not.” She retorted a smile coming over her lips. “Not ever.” She added softly. What he had awakened within her she couldn’t live without now.

Chuck smiled on the other end. “You don’t know how wonderful it is to hear you say that.”

“I do” She assured him. “I really do.”

“How bout dinner tonight?” Chuck suggested. “Carmen’s for Mexican?”

“I’d love that” Hillary replied.

“Meet at my place. I have something for you.”

“Oh my God,” Hillary quipped laughing. “Let me recover first. Haven’t we reached some sort of unspoken limit the past twenty-four hours?”

Chuck laughed. “Well, that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Oh,” she smiled. “Well, in that case my interest is piqued.”

“Very good. I wouldn’t ever want you to be bored.”

“With you? I don’t think that’s possible, is it?”

“Listen, I have to get going for now”, he said regretfully. “But get ahold of me tonight when you’re done and I’ll see you at my place. I can’t wait to see you.” His voice quivered with an undercurrent of smoldering passion.

“I can’t wait either”, she replied, her voice a seductive hush. “Okay,” she added taking a deep breath. “I’ll let you go. But thank you for taking a few moments with me. I needed it.”

“I always have time for you”, He said sincerely. “Oh, and Hill?”

“Yeah?”

“About that first thing? I will _never_ get enough of you. Not ever.”

Hillary took in a long and audible breath. “I’m going to let you go now- before you have me leaving work to head to your place now.”

“K. Talk to you later. Now get to work, Senator Clinton.” He made a smooching noise.

“Indeed, I must.” She smooched back and hung up.  She took another deep breath and forced her mind to put Chuck on the back burner for the moment. She knew, however, that no matter how busy the day got or how much she had to concentrate on, thoughts of him would invade her heart and mind making for a painfully long day. She checked her watch. She had to get back. She took a quick glimpse in the mirror, taking a moment to smooth a few strands of hair and straighten her jacket. . _Alright, Senator_. She thought as she walked toward the door. _Let’s get this day over with._

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night after falling into each other's arms, Chuck gives Hillary an evening fit for a queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 4 and 5 will be about Romance, Romance, Romance!

Chuck Schumer's Luxury Condominium Building  
New York, NY.  
5:30 pm

The temperature was well below normal for mid- October. Tonight, in particular, the air was bitterly cold and the forecast called for snow flurries the next few days. This type of weather abnormality certainly wasn’t unheard of in this region, but it was rare- and not very welcome. Winters in New York were already painfully long enough.  
Wrapping a scarf around her head to cover her face, Hillary stepped out of the motorcade. The scarf was somewhat helpful in protecting her face from the full assault of the biting wind, but her medium weight dress slacks and pump-clad feet were no match. The cold made even the short trip to the lobby area of the condominium complex seem like a mile but she braved it gladly. Within in a few moments she’d finally be back in his arms.  
Ringing his unit, he responded immediately, allowing her to pass through the second set of doors to access the elevator. The ride was smooth and swift, the lift smelling pleasantly of eucalyptus. As the doors opened, she fought to keep herself from sprinting down the hallway.  
Once she came within steps of his door, her stomach fluttered anew. All day long, she’d ached acutely for the warmth of his arms and softness of his lips. She reached the door at last to find it cracked open. Her eyebrows knitted together in mild concern that he wasn’t there in the doorway. She knocked lightly to alert him to her presence. “Chuck?”  
As she knocked, the door inched open further and she entered cautiously. “Hello? Chuck, I’m- “  
Hillary stopped short, her eyes widening and mouth agape as she tried to comprehend the scene that immediately met her eyes. In front of her and, in fact all around her, was a sea of red, yellow and white.  
Roses. Thousands of roses. Assorted in beautiful and expertly- crafted arrangements, they covered every table, end table, and almost every area of walkway except for the hallway that led to the bedrooms and bath. It, too, had been adorned, however. Rose petals and flickering votive candles lit a path all the way down the hall toward the bedrooms and bath. For a moment she stood there stunned, unable to believe her eyes as the lovely scent of them filled her nostrils. As she panned the room speechless, she saw the bedroom door open at the end of the hallway, beckoning her forth. A smitten smile came across her lips as she nearly floated down the hallway. Once she reached the door, it came open. There he stood- fresh, clean-shaven, and dressed to the nines in a luxurious and exemplary tuxedo that must have cost a fortune. Between his teeth rested a long- stemmed single red rose. He smiled widely, his eyes dancing as they took in her pleasantly overwhelmed facial expression. Releasing the rose from between his teeth he presented it to her with one hand and reached for her right hand with the other.  
“Madame”, he greeted softly and with feigned formality. “Am I to take from your expression that you are pleased with your welcome?” He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed them to her delicate knuckles.  
Hillary stood there for a moment, mouth agape and eyes wide and filled with tears as she looked into his. He looked amazingly handsome and much younger somehow.  
She tried to answer but couldn’t speak and Chuck relished her reaction. His little surprise had achieved exactly the result he’d been hoping it would.  
Aching to hold her, he stepped forward to embrace her. As his arms circled around her, she suddenly threw her arms around his neck, her lips immediately finding his and crashing into them. Chuck tightened his grip around her waist and brought a hand up behind her head to secure the deep and sensual kiss. He felt himself harden against her as arousal overtook his body. But the urges would have to wait until later. He’d made special plans for the night.  
Chuck forced himself to break the kiss so he could speak to her but tightened his embrace. He felt Hillary bury her face in his neck as they each sighed in relief. The wait was finally over.  
“I dreamt about this moment all day.” He whispered softly.  
Finding her voice again, Hillary pulled back just far enough to face him, her eyes still watery. “I know, me too.” She kissed him tenderly once more before cocking her head toward the entry down the hall.  
“I-I am beyond words. That is just… overwhelmingly beautiful.”  
Chuck brought his forehead to rest against hers. “So are you.”  
Hillary looked away briefly. At times she still struggled with how to gracefully accept such direct and personal compliments.  
“Honestly, that’s not even half of what I wanted to do, but I was afraid that any more of them would suffocate you. They are definitely fragrant.”  
She smiled and nodded in agreement. “I love the scent of roses..." Her eyes scanned him from head to toe. "You look so handsome,” she said. Her eyes shifted to the front of her own body. “I’m really underdressed.”  
Chuck smiled and broke contact to turn toward the bed behind him. “Well, I took the liberty of arranging some evening attire for you.”  
“You did?” Hillary raised her eyebrows with a smile as she followed his gaze to the bed. Her heart melted in her chest as she laid eyes on the dress box wrapped in a red satin ribbon. Beside it was another rectangular shoe box. She walked gingerly toward them, her expression akin to that of a little girl full of excited wonder as she approached a gift-laden Christmas tree. Once there, her eyes widened again. Both boxes bore the stamped name and logo of the finest specialty dress retailer in the state. Every New Yorker was familiar with the retailer and its specialty but very few could afford to patronize it.  
“Liza’s?” Her hand came up over her heart. “Chuck, my God“  
Chuck stood there grinning. He nodded at the boxes to encourage her. She met his eyes with a love and adoration that came not just from deep inside her heart but her very soul. In that moment, he knew any worries he had that she wouldn’t stay were undue. She was his.  
She unraveled the bowed ribbon securing the dress box and lifted the lid. As she eased the tissue paper aside she gasped and her hand came up to her mouth. Her eyes bounced back and forth between him and what lay inside. “Oh. My. God”  
She brought both hands down into the box, and scooped gently underneath the garment to lift it. Bringing it up in front of her, it unfurled in all of its glory. Her eyes lit up like stars. “Chuck, I can’t believe this- You remembered…”  
It was astounding that he’d recalled it. At the time she’d only thought of it as a passing admiration.  
A few weeks before, they’d met for lunch in Manhattan to discuss a political battle plan. They walked for a while after eating and passed Liza’s. Hillary stopped at the front window to admire the styles presented in all their glory. One in particular caught her eye and her breath. An ankle-length light royal blue A-line evening gown made of Italian silk. She particularly loved the sweetheart neckline, petal sleeves and sweeping wrap style that culminated in a rouched waistline held together with a jewel- studded clip on the right side. She further appreciated the removable gathered skirt that wrapped in layers, giving the thin fabric volume, movement, and warmth.  
In her time as a First Lady, she’d donned many evening gowns. Though many of them had been elegant and a pleasure to have worn, none of them held a candle to this azure masterpiece.  
Now, in his bedroom, she held it in her hands disbelieving not only that she now owned it, but that he’d remembered what she’d forgotten- and made one small dream a reality for her.  
“I can’t wait to see you in it” Chuck said softly, his eyes shining with tears. The look on her face was worth every dollar he’d spent and every favor he’d pulled to have it purchased, tailored, and delivered on very short notice.  
“I hope it fits” Hillary replied, her voice a thin whisper.  
“It will” Chuck said with a gentlemanly confidence.  
Hillary’s eyebrows knitted together. How did he know?  
“I peeked at your clothing tags this morning before you woke up.” He confessed, reading her expression. “Shoes, too.” He eyed the smaller box.  
Hillary grinned and shook her head again. “I should have suspected. You are an extremely intelligent and resourceful man. One of the many things I love so much about you.”  
Chuck blushed slightly but didn’t try to hide it. He loved that she saw him that way.  
Hillary laid the dress out gently across the bed and opened the shoe box. Inside were matching 2-inch heels, a smaller version of the dress’ jeweled clip decorated the toe-end of each. She lifted them out and shook her head in amazement. They were gorgeous.  
“I’ll leave you to try it on.” Chuck said, walking back toward the door. “I’ll be down the hall. I have some things to tend to.”  
“What is going on tonight?” She asked with a demure smile. “I’m thinking we’d be a bit overdressed for Carmen’s.”  
Chuck’s face turned a bit red as he smiled again. “I had an even better idea. I hope you’ll like it.”  
She smiled back at him, her eyes losing themselves in his. Every part of her body was suddenly on fire and yearning for him again. There were not words to describe the way he made her feel. She imagined this was how Julia Roberts’ character must’ve felt in Pretty Woman.  
“I have no doubt,” she nearly whispered, their gazes locking. “You’re full of all sorts of great ideas and pleasant surprises, Charles.”  
Chuck held her eyes for a moment, feeling himself hardening again. It was all he could do to keep from walking over to her and rescheduling the evening’s plans in favor of spending another one between the sheets with her. Every part of him longed for her skin on his then and there but he willed himself to stay the course and wait. He wanted to let the tension grow throughout the evening. It would all be worth it in the end.  
Taking in a deep breath and blowing it forcefully out, he let her know what he was thinking, knowing she was already well aware. She felt it, too.  
He winked at her in a slow, seductive way that cut through her and turned to exit. “Oh, I nearly forgot,” he said turning back for a moment. “I know I caught you a bit off-guard so I left a few things in the bathroom for you,” he said.  
A delighted incredulity washed over her face. “I don’t know how many more surprises I can take.” She giggled. “ I’ve been surprised nearly to death already.”  
Chuck grinned devilishly through a long pause. “Oh, Baby,” he said finally. “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hillary gets ready for the evening and tries on the dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short little chapter is all about sweet anticipation. More to come. Enjoy these pleasant little trips through joyful romance...while they last. This story hasn't even quite started yet.

Chapter 5

Hillary rubbed her lips together to evenly distribute the final stroke of lipstick. She marveled at how precise he’d been in choosing them, particularly given the limited time frame he’d been given to arrange for it- for all of this. The array of cosmetics he’d laid out expertly on the countertop of the master bath were of top notch quality and possessed the exact color palette she needed to work with for her skin tone. Most men would have no clue, and he’d had to have done some homework. She couldn’t help but wonder what strings he’d pulled or whose help he’d enlisted, but she was thoroughly touched and impressed regardless. In addition, he’d spoiled her with top of the line skin and hair care products she’d been sure to use. Her both hair and skin looked and felt phenomenal. He’d been so thoughtful to provide her with a blow dryer and curling iron as well. She’d taken the time to quickly curl her hair and brush them out to create soft, romantic curls that were interrupted only on her right side where she’d selected one of five jeweled hair clips he’d left for her to choose from.  
Now it was time for the dress and shoes. Dear God, she prayed internally, Please let it all fit.  
Taking a deep breath, she walked back into the bedroom and approached the dress. She held it up once more feeling slightly intimidated by it. She checked the size tag. It read 10/12. That was her size range but who knew if it would be sized the same as her suits?  
Chuck had gambled without knowing it. She hadn’t had the heart to inform him that women’s clothing had no real continuity in sizing this day and age. She hoped, though, that he’d been lucky. It looked like it might fit.  
She took another deep breath and grabbed the zipper pull on the delicate, well hidden side zipper. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, praying her recent salad- heavy diet would pay off.  
She situated the dress in her hands so she could lift it up and over her head. To her surprise and delight it slipped with ease over her voluptuous figure. She again grabbed the zipper pull and zipped it with ease. She felt the fabric tighten appropriately around her waist and back. It fit- perfectly! She secured the optional outer skirt piece with the clip. She stood there for a second in minor disbelief. It was just too good to be true, wasn’t it?  
The shoes still awaited her in the box. She grabbed them in hopes that they would fit just as well as the dress. She slipped them on, feeling them just a tad snug in their newness. She’d break them in easily. Then flushed with excitement, she found her way back to the restroom to check her look in the full -length mirror.  
She nearly gasped in shock at the image reflected back at her. She was truly a breathtaking sight to behold; beautiful and resplendent- nearly regal. The fabric of the dress wrapped around her body like a second skin, hugging every curve and contour with exquisite perfection. The rouched waistline punctuated by the jeweled clip thinned her midsection, the sweetheart neckline framing her ample bosom, providing a tasteful amount of cleavage. The dress’ brightened royal blue hue made her matching eyes appear even more vivid than usual. She felt attractive, sexy and sophisticated.  
Feeling pleased, lucky and more than blessed, she was ready to present herself to Chuck. After his investment, she prayed one more time that he would be happy with the results.  
She stepped out of the bathroom and sauntered her way across the bedroom to the door, feeling like a queen. He’d done that for her- expended the energy and time to make a small dream come true for her. It filled her heart with gratitude and love. She couldn’t wait to return the favor.  
As she turned the doorknob and stepped into the hall, she savored the feeling of anticipation. She had high hopes she’d give him just as much of a surprise as he’d given her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening straight from a fairytale for Hillary and Chuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I have this chapter done. Please forgive any typos. Enjoy the romance and the even keel. This will be the last of it. From here, the road gets more bumpy.

*

Chapter 6

“So tonight I’ll ask

The stars above

How did I ever win your love?

What did I do, what did I say

To turn your angel eyes my way?

          “Angel Eyes”- Jeff Healy Band

 

While Hillary was occupied, Chuck had spent the last 45 minutes sneaking them all in as discreetly and silently as possible. He and a five -person crew, had moved flowers and furniture to create space in the middle of the large living room.  Several candles in various holders were placed on the walls throughout the common spaces in the condo, filling the dwelling with a warm, soft amber hue. The hired chef and his two assistants prepped a 7-course gourmet meal in the kitchen and set a table for the two of them with crisp white linen table cloths, tapered candles, rose petals, and fine China and silverware.  

Meanwhile, chuck welcomed and seated two violinists- a husband and wife duo he’d known for years and had hired for various functions. They were superb players and even better friends who were thrilled to see him so in love and happy.

He’d called in a lot friends and favors and he couldn’t think of a better reason to do so. He would pull out every stop to make it a memorable evening for Hillary.

Watching them all buzzing silently around his place, doing all they could to accommodate his wishes was truly humbling and he felt his heart swell with appreciation and gratitude for all they were doing. Later on, he’d make sure he thanked them profusely. He found himself grateful for the connections he’d made over the years. His career in politics, riddled with social functions, had procured connections with a lot decent people with whom he’d always kept in touch.

Checking the time yet again, Chuck fluttered around, making sure all was set and perfect as it could be. He wanted this night to be one she would never forget- not _ever_.

Just before 7 o’clock he made sure everyone else was seated out of sight and positioned himself at the end of the hallway so he could greet her when she emerged from the bedroom. Each minute ticked by at an excruciatingly slow rate but he was so glad he’d been able to get it all arranged without a hitch. This had been tricky and risky but that would make the outcome even sweeter.

Chuck stood, wringing his hands as he looked down the hallway, waiting for the door to open. Each passing minute felt agonizingly slow. He was just about to make his way down to check on her, when he heard the clicking sound of the bedroom door.

She emerged into the hallway, somewhat silhouetted by the  darkness. As she approached, picture became clearer and clearer.

Chuck had spent all day visualizing her in the dress, knowing she’d look beautiful. However, not even his wildest imagination could’ve prepared him for what he saw.

His eyes became widened with awe, his jaw slacked and his heart rate skyrocketed. She wasn’t just beautiful. She was damn near … _angelic_.  She embodied not only his individual dream of a queen, but of every man’s queen. He stood straight at attention as she approached him, feeling immediately speechless - even _intimidated_. This woman straight from an azure fantasy was standing in front of him with love in her eyes.  And she was _his_.

Chuck’s emotions suddenly overwhelmed him and a tear spilled onto his cheek.

“Hello, Beautiful…” His voice was barely audible as he brushed the tear away. “You look just...” He struggled to find the words. “Just… I mean, there aren’t words… You’re absolutely _stunning,_ Hillary _.”_

There was something monumental about the moment and it rendered Hillary speechless as well.  Of course, words weren’t necessary, anyway. The way he looked at her as if she were something celestial made her heart leap in her chest. He didn’t just love her. He _adored_ her. Stepping forward, she leaned in and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss on his lips. Chuck brought a hand up to her face and skimmed the smooth skin of her cheek with his knuckles. In that moment, time stood still. Once she pulled back, their locked gazes said everything else that needed saying.

The soothing, melodic sound of violins suddenly filled the air, pulling Hillary into awareness of her surroundings. She spun around, to see a middle-aged couple drawing the bows across their instruments, her eyes widening again. As she quickly scanned the room, she noticed the moved floral arrangements, the candelabras and sconces, and the fire ablaze in the fireplace. As she turned back to Chuck, he stood with his hand held out, eyes sparkling.

“May I have this dance, M’lady?” Completely awestruck, Hillary’s eyes welled with tears as she took his hand and stepped into his encircling arm. For a moment, she stared at him in disbelief as he began moving them slowly with the music. Reading her expression, he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

          “I wanted you to know _exactly_ how much you mean to me”, Chuck said brushing his lips delicately over the shell of her ear. “Roses alone were not enough.”

The warmth of his breath raining down on her neck as he spoke took her own breath away, making her feel nearly faint. All of this was overwhelming- and wonderfully so. It was simply difficult to find the words to respond. He pulled her close and brought his head back to face her. His eyes smoldered with want, creating a taut and humming sexual tension.

 “I love you.” He continued, his voice low and smooth. His lips hovered inches above her own. “With every part of me, I’m hopelessly and helplessly in love with you.”

Hillary’s knees went weak to the point that she nearly lost her balance. Everything he said, touching corners of her heart and soul that she wasn’t sure had ever been so awakened. She had so much to say in return but the words still failed her. In their absence, she reached up, caressing his cheek softly with the palm of her hand as she tilted her face up toward his. Finally, he closed the gap between them and fulfilled her unspoken request. Hillary whimpered involuntarily as her lips melted together into a slow, deep and tender kiss.  Lost in the emotion of the moment, Hillary began to take the lead, driving the kiss to a fever pitch. She’d all but forgotten they weren’t alone. Their breaths began to quicken, and Chuck broke the kiss with regret.

A coy smile formed on his lips as he pressed his pelvis slightly against her. “You _do_ realize that it is taking every ounce of strength I have to keep from ravishing you right here and now, don’t you?”

Hillary’s lips curled in a soft smile. “I can empathize.” She replied, her voice a thin whisper.

“Can you, now?” Chuck inquired. “Then I assume you’ll understand if I can’t back away from you anytime soon without exposing my feelings for you to the world.”

Hillary took a cursory glance around the room. “Well, I can’t say for sure, but I think they might be on to us, anyway.”

“I think you’re right.” Chuck played along. “And I think they approve.”

“Mmmm. So do I.”

Chuck shook his head in disbelief. He nuzzled his nose against hers, his eyes still trained on hers. He paused for a long moment, immersing himself in them. “God, you’re beautiful…Y’know, I used to wonder exactly what people meant when they talked about ‘angel eyes’. They were unlike any eyes he’d ever looked into before. They were fully expressive, alive, and straightforward. Yet they somehow still emanated a mysterious and enigmatic quality. “Now I know _exactly_ what they’re talking about.”

Hillary just smiled back with a loving appreciation for the compliment.

Just then, Max’s assistant, dressed in a tuxedo himself, approached with a tray sporting two flutes of bubbling champagne. Hillary’s eyes widened yet again and she looked at Chuck. “There’s a server, too?”

Chuck giggled inwardly as he grabbed the flutes from the tray and handed her one. “Thanks, Donovan.”

“Absolutely, Senator”, Donovan said, with a smile. He nodded appreciatively in Hillary’s direction. “Senator Clinton, you look absolutely lovely this evening.”

“Thank you,” Hillary said quietly, feeling a bit exposed. But she let the feeling wash over her and run off.

Donovan turned back to Chuck. “Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes if you’re ready, Sir.”

Chuck nodded to Donovan and then turned to Hillary, “Are you hungry?”

Hillary just stared at him in disbelief. “Dinner? Here?”

Chuck smiled and kissed her cheek as he circled his arm around her shoulders. “Yes, here…” I was afraid we’d end up with unwanted company or interruptions tonight if we went out. I wanted you – us- to be able to relax and enjoy tonight without worries. So I brought the evening out in to us- with the help of a lot of my friends.”

“These are all friends of yours?”

Chuck nodded. “I know everyone here and, more importantly, I trust all of them.” He looked her in the eye. “Believe me, nothing that happens here tonight leaves here, Okay?”

Hillary nodded with a smile.. “Okay. I trust you.”

“Alright, then”, Chuck said softly. “Then cast every care from your mind and let’s enjoy this evening together.”

Hillary let him guide her toward the dining room, feeling nearly weightless. As they approached the dining room, Hillary felt her heart about to burst.

The table was set perfectly in a quintessentially romantic style that reminded her of a scene on Valentine’s Day greeting card. Roses were placed strategically around the room in addition to the single red rose that lay across her plate.

 “Oh my God”, Hillary breathed in as he guided her to the table and pulled out her chair.  “I can’t believe this. I feel like I’m… in a dream, Chuck.” She sat down as he moved the chair in for her.

“Perfect” he said skirting to the other side of the table to find his chair. “Then I’ve been successful.” Chuck held his finger up. “There is one other thing though.”

Hillary looked at him, now beyond incredulity.

He stood up and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a rectangular, black velvet- clad jewelry box.  Hillary’s breath caught in her throat. Oh dear God, what had he done, now?

Handing it to her, he looked into her eyes again. “To compliment your gown tonight.”

“Chuck…” she began but simply let it trail off. She looked at the box, tears stinging her eyes. This was nearly too much. She felt unduly spoiled.  Hillary slowly opened the box and choked back a sob as she studied the contents. A beautiful, tear drop shaped sapphire and diamond pendant on a white gold chain with matching earring sparkled under the soft candlelight.

As she looked up at him, tears overwhelmed her eyes and broke into sobs. Chuck got up from his seat and knelt in front of her. Taking her hands, he kissed them letting her emotions overwhelm her for a moment.

“Oh, wow”, Hillary said, trying to gain control. “This is…This is just… beautiful and overwhelming and-“

“And everything you deserve”. Chuck finished for her, smiling reassuringly. “You really do.” He kissed her cheeks gently, removing every tear while Hillary wiped away the excess moisture. She noticed the lack of black smear from her mascara. “Wow, waterproof mascara” she said. “You thought of everything, didn’t you?”.

Chuck laughed softly. “I raised two daughters” he replied. “I’ve been trained well.”

“I noticed,” Hillary giggled softly. She turned her body in her chair to wrap her arms around his neck as he encircled her waist. For a few moments they held one another, saying nothing.

“Well” Chuck said finally pulling back. “Let’s put these on”

Hillary nodded and turned back toward the table. Chuck removed the necklace from the box and fastened it around her neck. He handed her the box so she could put the earrings in. She could feel them brush against her neck as they dangled. Chuck went back to his seat and looked at her with love and desire in his eyes. He looked nearly hypnotized.

“Senator Schumer,” Donovan said stepping in suddenly. “are we ready to begin, Sir?”

“Yes, Don” Chuck said, his eyes never leaving Hillary’s. “I believe we are.”

Donovan nodded and left to retrieve their first course.

 “I do hope you’re hungry, Love”, Hillary said, her voice suddenly low and sultry as her eyes burned into his. “You’ll be needing the energy later.”

Chuck swallowed hard, feeling his trousers tighten in the groin again. “Your wish is my command.”

**Two hours later…**

Max paused at the door to shake hands with both Chuck and Hillary. “I hope everything was exactly as you both wished”, Max said with a warm smile.

“It was wonderful, Max,” Hillary said placing her other hand over his. “That was the most amazing meal I think I’ve ever eaten. That shrimp scampi was incredible- but the 5 layer chocolate cake will have my heart forever. “

Max chuckled warmly. “Well, I am glad to hear it.” His Italian accent lending him an endearing charm. “You make sure you have him call me to make you something wonderful at least once in a while. A beautiful lady like you should be wined and dined as often as possible. ”

Hillary smiled, blushing slightly. “Well, I thank you for that –and I certainly will do that.”

“It was great, Max, as always” Chuck said appreciatively. “I wanna thank you for helping me out tonight on such short notice. Thank you again.”

Max saluted him and picked up his tote of utensils. “Well, I’d better get out there. Donnie’s waiting on me.”

“Alright” Chuck said seeing him out the door. He stepped into the hallway. “Take care driving home tonight, Buddy. And thanks again.”

“ You bet” Max said already heading down the hallway. “Enjoy the rest of your evening.” He turned back for a moment. “You’d better hang on to that beautiful woman, my friend.”

Chuck nodded with a huge smile. “I intend to.”

With that Chuck stepped back into his unit and closed the door. Hillary stood near the fireplace watching the flames flicker and lash. A small contented smile rested on her lips.

Chuck watched her for just a moment, saying nothing. Quietly, he approached her from behind. He circled his arms around her waist and brushed his lips against the back and sides of her neck. A wave of satisfaction washed over him as she moaned softly at the contact and her body melted against his.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked softly.

“Just about how happy I am” She answered. “This night has been so amazing. The most romantic evening I’ve ever experienced.  It couldn’t have been more of a fairytale come true.” She around turned to look in his face. “You’re a wonderful man”. She said sincerely, placing her hand behind his head. “I’m so blessed to have you in my life.”

Chuck studied her beautiful face for a moment before he responded. “I don’t know exactly what I’ve done to deserve you. But I know that right now I’m the luckiest, most blessed man alive and I hope to always make you feel as special as you are.”

He brought his lips to hers, kissing them tenderly at first but quickly the embers that had been smoldering all night ignited.

“Make love to me,” Hillary whispered as his lips traveled down the nape of her neck.

“With pleasure” he whispered back, caressing every curve of her body. “I thought you’d never ask.”

As Chuck once again swept her off of her feet and carried her down the hallway to the bedroom, Hillary closed her eyes in anticipation of the sweet oblivion that awaited them both.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hillary comes home to begin preparations for a conference trip to Boston with Chuck, when shocks her by breaking his silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited to post this chapter because it felt like it took forever to get here. Here, the plot begins to thicken...Enjoy.

Clinton Residence

Chappaqua, NY

Early December,  2002

_“You cannot quit me so quickly_

_There’s no hope in you for me_

_No corner you could squeeze me_

_But I’ve got all the time for you, Love_

_The Space Between_

_The tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more_

_The space between the wicked lies we tell where we_

_Hope to keep safe from the pain_

_But will I hold you again?”_

_-The Space Between, Dave Matthews Band._

Hillary came through the front door, lost in thought. She had just a few hours to get herself packed and to the airport. She would meet Chuck there where they would have to put up pretenses until after the conference in Boston. Though they’d each arranged separate rooms officially, she’d arranged for a room together outside of town under an assumed name. It kept people from asking too many of the questions that neither she nor Chuck was ready to answer yet. The past two months had been wonderful. They spent as much time together as they could without arousing suspicion. At some point, they knew something would have to give. They couldn’t hide the truth forever. Until now, just enjoying the ride had been enough. However, the intrinsic motivation to move beyond the limbo was beginning to exact a toll on her mind and heart. Right now it was just a gentle pull, but she knew it would only grow with each passing day. For now, though, she had an immediate schedule to keep and she looked so forward to their plans later tonight.

She inhaled deeply, as sweet anticipation coursed through her veins. She could already smell his cologne, feel his breath on her neck, his warm, naked body against hers. God, the things he did to her… mentally, physically, sexually. The way he made her feel cherished, wanted, and needed in every way. It was like a potent drug to which she’d become a willing and eager slave. She knew Chuck felt blissfully shackled, too.

 Turning her mind back to the task at hand, she hung her coat and purse on the designated entryway hook, and made her way toward the staircase to head upstairs. She conjured up the packing list in her mind as she walked. _Two pantsuits, some casual shoes, dress boots, and her heavy coat, of course-_

“What time is your flight?”

Hillary gasped, startled as she spun on her heel. Bill stood just outside the entrance to the study.

“Hi”, she said quickly, hand over heart, her face a bit flushed. “I’m sorry, Bill-I didn’t know you were here.” Somewhere in the back of her mind, she questioned how he knew about the flight. Had she mentioned it?

“Sorry,” Bill said quietly. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, that’s alright.” Hillary replied kindly. “I- uh, I need to be at the airport in a couple of hours. Flight’s at six -thirty. Got a conference and speech in -”

“Boston,” Bill interjected. “I know. I overheard you on the phone the other day.”

“Oh,” she said quietly. “Right.”

“I um,” He continued quietly, gesturing to the library behind him. “I was actually hoping to get a few moments with you- if it’s not too much trouble.” There was a softness in his eyes she hadn’t seen in ages.

Hillary felt her jaw slacking and her heart pounding. He’d just said more to her in the past fifteen seconds than he’d said in the past two weeks. A sense of confusion and unease came over her. Why the sudden change- _What the hell is going on?_

“Sure,” She replied politely. “I have a little time.”

As Hillary followed him into the study, Bill wondered how to begin. He’d held things in for so long. Would he even be able to articulate what he needed to say and what she needed to hear? “Please have a seat”, he said standing by his desk.

Hillary found the loveseat in the middle of the room and sat down. She looked up at him, trying to muster as much nonchalance as possible, but her expressive eyes belied her exterior posturing more than she knew. “So, what’s on your mind?”

          “You.” Bill answered, bluntly. “Us.”

Hillary’s face instantaneously blanched, her eyes filling with a mild panic that she tried unsuccessfully to hide. She sat, subconsciously fidgeting in her seat. “Oh…okay.”

Bill felt the unease as well but knew this conversation must be had. “Look, I know you have limited time so I’ll just get right to the point.” He began. “I want to apologize to you for the… way I’ve been. I know things between us are strained- and have been for a long time. For quite a while we’ve sort of existed in two different worlds- you in yours and me in mine. In the past few months I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about where things are and how they got here.” He looked up to see her absolutely riveted, her eyes wide in a sort of disbelief. She had to be wondering where in the hell he’d been all this time.

Tears welled in Hillary’s eyes as she tried to digest his words and square them somehow with the last two years of silence. But she also couldn’t deny things were not the same as before. She had to clear the air.

 “I have to admit,” Hillary began after a long pause. “I’m a bit shocked here, Bill.  I mean, you haven’t spoken to me in any kind of length in… honestly, I don’t even remember how long now.  And I’m glad you’re talking but…” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“But what?” Bill prompted. He wanted to hear her out if he could.

 “Things have changed, Bill.” Her voice was thin and trembling. She crossed her arms to hide her shaking hands. “I’ve had to adjust and…get along with taking care of myself… And my life has… seen a lot of change.”

Bill nodded in understanding. “I can appreciate that. What’s that old adage- Time waits on no one?”

She inhaled deeply, letting his comment hang in the air. She racked her brain and tried to listen to her heart for an idea of where to go with this. Was there any delicate way to be honest about how her life had changed? The answer, of course, was no.

“Bill, this isn’t easy for me to say but…I’m not going to lie to you.” New tears threatened her eyes as they shifted away. She was trying hard to be matter of fact but her emotional core would not be denied or stifled. Not anymore. It had been suppressed for ages now. She hesitated with a hard swallow before she walked off the cliff.  “I- I… um… well, there’s… there’s someone in my life.” She met his eyes again to gage his reaction, already feeling sick. Having to deliver that news to him- having to force those hurtful words from her mouth- was as pleasant as heaving vomit.

To her surprise, Bill simply nodded somberly with his eyes shifting to the floor. “I know.”

Shock overcame her face, her eyes wide-eyed and incredulous. “You _know_?”

“It’s awfully hard to hide that glow, Hillary.” He replied, his tone saddened yet straightforward. “The past six or seven weeks, your schedule has changed- you’re gone a lot more, you’re preoccupied, and you walk around with a spring in your step and a little grin on your face like you did when you came in the house just a few minutes ago… And God knows it’s not because _I’m_ making you happy.”

Hillary looked back at him stunned and perplexed. She felt a sense of embarrassment as well, not realizing she’d been so transparent. He’d been so distant and blasé to everything that she never imagined he was paying any attention whatsoever to her or her schedule. She searched for words, stammering. “Bill, I-I don’t know wh-“

He held up a hand to stay her. “You don’t have to explain anything to me…” He said gently as he walked over to the chair across from her and sat down. “If anyone has any explaining to do it’s me…I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been horrifically self-centered” he continued softly. “After what happened in ninety-eight, I lost a part of myself that I’ve been seeking to find again. The part of me that cared about anything. I’ve felt so completely lost and…empty since I royally screwed up.  I haven’t been able to feel much of anything for a long time. And I know you’ve tried getting me to a doctor- which I probably do need. I don’t have any excuse for my resistance to that other than stupid male pride- and being afraid to face my issues, I guess. I thought I could fight it and fix it by myself. But it’s become evident that I can’t. And I know that it’s been so hard on you- and Chelsea, too. You must feel so shoved aside and I apologize profusely for it. I just want you to understand that I do love you and our daughter with all of my heart and that I am so sorry for how much I’ve hurt you.” Tears welled in his eyes. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

As she listened to him now, open and vulnerable, confessing everything he felt- his pain, his fear, his need- she felt her heart swelling with empathy- and reawakening love- love she’d been forced to bury after his unyielding resignation. She thought she’d made peace with it. Yet here it was, in front of her face, seeming to taunt her now.  The sudden change in his behavior and attitude immediately fueled self-doubt and uncertainty when she’d just become more sure of herself.

Then, like a sudden attack from an unseen assailant, she felt it overtake her. _Anger_. She’d seen this before. His contrition after his foolishness. How many times in their lives had she been hurt, steeled herself to move on without him only to be pulled back in through his tears and his pleading?  The memories boiled the rage inside. It swelled within her like an impromptu tsunami and the words erupted forcefully from her mouth before she could stop them.

“Damn you!” She hollered as she shot to her feet. Her body trembled with frustrated rage as her eyes burned into his.

Bill’s face drained of color, clearly taken aback. “Hillary-”

“Damn it, Bill, how _could_ you- how could you _do_ this!?” Her arms were flailing about as tears of fear, frustration and over two years of tormenting anguish came surging forth. “Now, after two years of me trying to reach you- trying to…” Her face was red and wet, her body beginning to wrack with sobs. “I finally gave up, Bill! I gave up. What was I supposed to do? You stonewalled me at every turn- no matter what I did…and now- _now_ that I finally found the courage to accept things and move forward and- and then someone comes into my life and you want to suddenly… _filet_ yourself wide open and spill your guts to me like I’m goddamned Dr. Phil?! Well, to hell with you!” The rage implored her to storm out of the room, but something deep within her nailed her feet to the floor. She felt trapped in a surreal whirlwind of powerful and conflicting emotions: Shock, sorrow, grief, anger, relief, angst, love, and now….an unwelcome –and unfair-dose of _guilt_.

 “Look, I don’t want you to feel guilty” he said quietly as if reading her thoughts.

“I don’t!” She lied, knowing it. “Why should I feel guilty for moving on?” Logically, it was a fair question. But she also knew damn well logic meant nothing here in a world of tangled emotions. Logic never applied to matters of the heart.

Bill assessed her state of mind and maintained calm. “Please sit back down,” he pleaded gently, gesturing to the sofa. She glared at him defiantly, determined to stay in control, protecting herself via anger. She would not allow herself to be manipulated. She wouldn’t let him get to her. But deep inside she knew she’d lost that battle already. The buried feelings for him, the ones she’d no longer allowed herself to admit to, were rising within her again, rendering her powerless over them- and it was completely and maddeningly unfair.

 Holding his ground, his eyes respectfully challenged her. This wasn’t exactly the response he’d expected from his often stoic wife but he completely understood her anger. He’d denied her everything with him for such a long time. Now he presented a possible threat to her newfound happiness with someone else. “Please. Just hear me out the rest of the way”.

She resisted a moment longer but began to soften. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to reign herself back in.  Finally conceding with a long exhale she slowly melted back into the sofa like a deflating balloon. She buried her face in her hands while taking deep, even breaths to regain her composure.

“Bill, I’m so sorry.” She apologized, ashamed of her outburst. “I didn’t mean to lash out at you like that.”

Bill acknowledged with a nod. “It’s totally understandable and okay for you to be angry with me. I get it.” His eyes were soft and kind. There was a sincerity and need in them that pierced her to the depths of her soul. Hillary inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. Christ, what a mess.

Bill sat pensive for a moment before he began. “I’m not here to make excuses, Hillary. I have fucked things up badly- and I know that… There’s no question they are my failures, not yours…”

“So why do I always end up feeling responsible every time?”

“ I wish you wouldn’t.” Bill said softly. “But I think it’s because, thanks again to yours truly, you’ve been programmed that way for years… I mean, in all our years together, I’ve always relied on you to be the strong one. I counted on you to weather the things I couldn’t weather on my own. Whenever I screwed up or caused pain it was always you who stood next to me and kept me up. Kept us moving forward.  Kept us together. You loved me when I wasn’t lovable, you encouraged me when I wanted to quit, and you believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. As much as I’ve always loved you, I’ve never been able to figure out how to be that strong rock for you. Not in the same way…”

Hillary looked up at him, enrapt. Time seemed to stand still.

“If it’s alright I’d like to ask you an honest question.” Bill said softly. “It’d be great if you could help me out with an honest answer because anything else does us no good.”

Hillary considered the request and then nodded in agreement.

Bill locked his gaze onto hers, looking through her like glass.  “Hillary… do you love him?”

Hillary felt her stomach turn over and her throat tighten. She swallowed as her eyes filled with tears. Dear God, she didn’t want to hurt him anymore that she knew she already had. She panicked internally trying to find a way around the question but there was none. For a moment she sat silent, unable to speak. He was really going to make her answer? What the hell should she say? There was no soft way to answer. As the seconds ticked by she came to realization that all she could do was what they’d always done; face it and deal. She knew nothing else with Bill.  He’d asked for honesty and even if it hurt her just as much to say it as it hurt him to hear it, she owed him at least that. He would know if she lied, anyway.

“Are you in love with him, Hill?” Bill prodded gently.

Hillary swallowed hard, her breathy shaky. She nodded in pained admission. “Yes”, her voice nearly squeaked. “Yes, I am.”

Bill did his best to present a strong exterior but her answer hit him like a gut-punch. His eyes shined with tears as he swallowed the lump in his throat. She could see he held back from asking another question and she knew what it was.

“And yes”, she said, her lip quivering as new tears now streamed her cheeks like rain on a window pane. “I do still love you, Bill,” She sobbed, her heart ripping from her chest. “I will love you until the day I die. Thirty years doesn’t go away, Bill. Not ever.”

Bill’s heart sank and his stomach felt sick, the air suddenly seeming too thick to breathe. He’d waited too long to act and he was losing her. He could feel it. If she parted ways with him, he couldn’t blame her or get in her way.

He had failed as a husband, a partner, and a friend. First, he’d betrayed her with infidelity and broken her heart. Then he’d betrayed their bond of friendship, and their commitment of honesty with one another. He’d left her alone for far too long.  The cold, hard truth was that his wife had found love and a new reason to live in the arms of another man- and understandably so.  That, as he’d told her, was his fault, not hers. Who was he now to ask her to give that away?

The look on his face became resigned. “What do _you_ want, Hill? Do I have any chance in Hell here to make this right?”

She stared blankly at him, with no definitive answer in sight. Shock clouded her thinking. She honestly couldn’t think, let alone analyze or make any decisions. The room felt like it was spinning. She didn’t even realize her head was shaking slowly side to side telling him she didn’t know.

“I know it’s not a fair question” he admitted softly, studying her devastated and confused expression. She was legitimately torn and it wrenched his guts knowing he’d put her in this position in the first place. “I understand if you don’t really know what to say right now and I don’t want you to answer me now, anyway. Please just take some time to think.” He stood up and walked back toward his desk.  “I really do want you to be happy, Hillary…whatever that means.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interesting flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I needed to talk about how the emotions shift here- her emotional maelstrom and how Just being with someone who loves her can change things very quickly. A cute little scene that bridges to the rest of the story.

American Airlines

Flight 1400

Hillary had arrived at the airport at the last minute and hadn’t had a chance to tell Chuck what happened. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell him about it before the conference. In fact, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to tell him at all. She was still in a cloud of disbelief and confusion and she sure as hell wasn’t ready to make any decisions about any of it at this point. She resolved to spend the flight trying to clear her mind the best she could before she had to “perform” at the conference. She needed to muster the energy to deal with people effectively and deliver her speech.

  With the exception of her Service people fussing over details and a few young women approaching gingerly to ask for autographs, the flight so far was uneventful and quiet. Chuck was seated several rows behind and on the phone which was a relief of sorts. She just needed to be silent with herself. Despite her efforts to quiet her mind and heart they continued an internal argument that battered her insides.

She looked out of the window at the world below them. Everything appeared so tiny, yet she was the one who felt somehow small, insignificant, squashable. The scene back at the house ran through her mind over and over. The profound sadness she’d seen in Bill’s eyes haunted her. Tears stung her eyes as she related to the pain he felt. She was all too familiar with the punch to the gut he was feeling; the sting of the betrayal, the uncertainty of the future, the anger and resentment, yet the need to try to restore the relationship. In her empathy, a wave of guilt and shame washed over her, making her feel instantly nauseas. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, but the nausea refused to lessen. In fact, it intensified. She quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and stood up to make her way to the restroom. There wasn’t much time.

One of her Service men stood up in the seat across the aisle. “You alright?”

“I’ll be back” she said very quietly. “I need to use the restroom.”

On her way to the restroom, she barreled past Chuck’s seat without looking at him. She barged into the cramped cubicle of a bathroom, barely getting the door closed before she erupted.  She lunged herself toward and over the waterless toilet just in time. The bitter bile flowed over her tongue, triggering yet another heave. And then another. Within a few moments, it was over and the nausea began to ease off. Feeling shaky and faint. Easing herself to the floor, she rested her back against the door and did her best to concentrate on her breathing. She closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath in, feeling the air fill her lungs. She held it and let it out slowly. She repeated the process until she’d regained a sense of control, if not calm. Feeling fairly confident she wouldn’t vomit again, she slowly to rose to her feet. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands and face in the miniscule rinse basin, ready to rejoin the other passengers in the cabin. As she stepped out, Brad was on the other side of the door.

“Was just about to check on you.” He said softly, stepping back so she could pass him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Hillary nodded. “Just a little air sick, I guess.”

Close enough to overhear her comment to Brad, Chuck knew immediately something was amiss. He’d flown with Hillary several times and she had never been prone to air sickness. Her refusal to look in his direction was odd. They had certainly agreed to keep up professional appearances when in public together. But her total avoidance seemed exaggerated. He waited a few moments after she was back in her seat to pick up his phone.

 When Hillary heard the chime she knew who it was from. She reached for her phone and flipped it open.

_Hi Beautiful. You okay?_

She thought to keep it all to herself and tell him she was fine. But was lying to him going to accomplish anything?

 _Yes, I’m okay,_ she lied _.  I think maybe I just overdid the hot sauce this morning._

_Ok. Sorry you aren’t feeling good._

_I’ll be alright._

She wanted so badly to tell him how torn apart she felt but she just couldn’t right now _._ She didn’t want it to be his burden. She also felt conflicted, confused, and bit unstable. She felt guilt-ridden on two fronts. First, for having an affair and hurting Bill. Second, for feeling guilty about feeling guilty about sharing something so wonderful with Chuck. She truly loved both of these men for completely different reasons and the thought of losing either of them completely tore her heart into pieces.

Yet it wasn’t just pain she felt. Her anger and resentment toward Bill was still there. She couldn’t help but question his sudden interest in preserving the family. As sincere as he seemed today, why was it that he’d waited until now? If he’d been thinking all this time, why didn’t he say anything before.  Why hadn’t he cared before he knew someone else wanted her? Was he genuinely scared of losing her or just scared of losing her to another man?

As for Chuck, how could she even think of leaving him high and dry? With the exception of her early years with Bill, nothing had ever been so beautiful, so _right_ in her heart. But then again, that’s what scared her. The honeymoon would wear off eventually, wouldn’t it? Would they fall apart? Would this all pass by like a summer fling? Would he want more than she could give? Would he end up hurting her? The proverbial “what if”’s flooded her mind again.

Her phone chimed again, making her jump a slightly.

_Are you sure you’re alright? I’m back here wishing I could hold you._

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back in her seat.   _Damn him._ He had no idea how badly she needed the safety and comfort of his arms even if he was part of the plight. She picked up the phone with the intention of communicating from her brain. But her heart began to type instead. _I’m wishing, too…Tonight._

_Ok. I’ll wait in agony._

Hillary smiled despite herself. _Well, you won’t be alone in that, now will you?_

A moment passed before he responded _. Hey, I know we’re incognito and all but would you flash those baby blues back here just once? I mean, throw me a bone for God’s sake._

Hillary coughed to disguise a laugh. He always had a way of making her laugh. Of lightening things that felt so heavy with nothing more that the turn of a phrase.

 _Give me a second_.

“Brad”, Hillary unbuckled herself again and stood up.“ I need to use the restroom again. But say, could you flag a stewardess and just grab me a Sprite or something?”

Brad nodded. “You’re sure you’re-“

“Yes, I’m fine, Brad”, she said patting his shoulder. “No worries. I just need to pee.”

She turned to head back to the restroom again, this time locking eyes with her lover. The moment she did, her heart leapt in her chest and she could tell his did, too. Love and want suddenly flooded every sense, taking hold of her. In that moment any stress she’d been feeling evaporated.  

“Are you looking forward to the evening’s events, Hillary?” He suddenly asked almost too loudly.

“I sure am” she replied. “I think it’s going to be a fantastic conference.”

“Oh, I do too” he said with a smirk. “Much more enjoyable than the average.”

By then she’d reached the restroom. “Well, I am glad to hear you’re feeling so optimistic about it.” She opened the door. “Please excuse me.”

Once in the restroom she allowed herself to giggle. He was flirting in code. She felt a shift in her mental state and focus. Renewed energy filled her body and her mind. Once again, she felt alive, wanted,  playful, and empowered. She reminded herself she didn’t have to make any decisions about anything now. This was her call, Goddammit.  She’d do what she damn well wanted. And right now, she wanted to feel this way. _Nobody_ \- especially not Bill- was going to take it away from her… again. _Not ever_.

She decided to up the ante discreetly and with flare. She took off the red blazer she’d been wearing, revealing the black button up blouse she wore underneath. She unbuttoned it to just above the bra, revealing a tasteful amount of cleavage. On the way out, she made a point of turning toward him with a smile, giving him a fleeting full frontal view. It was subtlety she knew only he’d notice and it would drive him insane. And it did.  

Chuck felt white heat travel from the back of his neck to his groin, at once grateful to be sitting alone in his row where nobody could see the evidence of his arousal. He watched, smoldering internally, as she sauntered down to her seat. Chuck’s eyes trained on her and couldn’t waver. _Mother of Christ, she was sexy as hell._ Once she arrived back at her seat, she stopped to fold her blazer and reached up to put it in the overhead compartment. As she did she exaggerated the stretch of her body for his benefit. Chuck felt his body temperature rising. She glanced back to meet his desire-filled eyes again. He took in a deep breath and blew it out, his face reddened with heat. The faint wisp of a smile came over her lips, knowing she’d achieved the goal.

She sat back down in her seat, to find a message already on her phone.

_That was NOT fair. Not fair at all._

She smirked and replied _. All’s fair in love and war_

_Well, then I sure hope you’re ready to be taken captive_

Happy to surrender at the earliest opportunity.  Oh, she was ready. Boy, was she ever.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck and Hillary share a rendezvous at the hotel after the conference where they release their tensions and Hillary opens up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sort of wrote itself. Next chapter picks up where this leaves off. The night isn't over yet.

Orion Hotel  
Tracy, MA  
10:30 pm

Chuck lay on the hotel bed with his eyes closed waiting for her to show. The day had been long and the conference had made it longer yet. He was just grateful it was a short evening conference rather than one that lasted all day. Those were often painfully tedious. There’d been one thing that had made it all worth it, though. He’d watched with pride as the woman he loved delivered her speech on economic stimulation throughout the region. She’d orated with flawless eloquence and without relying on notes- a skill he envied.   
As he’d watched her speak with earned authority on the subject, he’d found himself appreciating anew how valuable she was as a voice both for the senate and their constituency. She was a truly admirable senator and public servant. Possessing passion, knowledge, and a unique blend of experience, she was able to emit confidence that earned people’s trust. She was also remarkably empathetic and capable of relating to others, so that everyone she came into contact with felt important. This was an electric combination. In return, the People responded to her with a high degree of trust, confidence, and affection. Altogether, she imbued an air of gravitas rarely seen in someone with her more junior status. Throughout his many years in politics, he had really never seen anyone navigate the ropes with so natural an adeptness.  
As the conference went on, Hillary found herself feeling less stressed and more focused. The upset earlier in the day now seemed distant. Here she was, once again, living her life, doing her job -and doing it alone. Except ... for him. He was here with her. She wasn’t alone… not anymore.

 

The door to the hotel room opened and Chuck jumped off the bed.  
“Hi,” he said softly walking around the bed to approach her.   
“Hi, Sweetheart” she said, her eyes looking weary but full of warmth and affection. She set down her purse and bag and eagerly stepped into his embrace.  
She let out a sigh of relief as she felt his arms encircle and squeeze her against him. She buried her face in his neck and let the stress of the day immediately drain away.  
Chuck inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of her hair and enjoying the way she felt in his arms. There was a feeling of peace and contentment that washed over him every time he held her. It was like coming home to a place that always had been his.  
“You were incredible tonight”, he said, holding her tight. “That speech was terrific.”  
“Thank you.” She said, tightening her arms around his waist and melting into him. “I hoped it would come off alright.”  
Chuck noticed how tightly she held on to him. Despite the pleasure of having her close, an instinctual concern nagged the corners of his mind.  
“I was a bit worried about you earlier”, he said finally disengaging just far enough to face her. “You’re okay now?”

“I’m fine” She repeated in a whisper, her lips suddenly planting kisses along his jugular. “Stop worrying, just hold me.”   
Happy to oblige, Chuck again tightened his embrace and held her silently. After a few moments, he felt her arms loosen around him and her hands travel from his lower back over his rump. She gently grabbed a cheek and massaged it, pulling his pelvis against her. His body responded with an instant erection. In natural reciprocity, Chuck returned her seductive gesture.  
“Oh, and as for your teasing me at thirty thousand feet”, he murmured, fervently chasing her lips that teased his mouth at the corners. “It is my duty to inform you that this is a capture!” He suddenly hooked her with his arm and threw her on the bed.   
Hillary giggled in delight as he brought his body down on hers, and crashed his lips into hers. His kisses were hungry and urgent and she matched them with a greedy appetite of her own.   
After a few moments she would never be able to totally recall, his bare- skinned body was once again pressed against her own. She closed her eyes and felt his lips and tongue discover every inch of her, stoking her desire to dizzying heights. If there was such a thing as Heaven on Earth she was sure this was it. Her hands stroked his skin in every area she could reach and she moaned in anticipation. Once his lips met hers once more, she grabbed ahold of his bottom and ground herself against him.   
Chuck groaned and wasted no time in fulfilling her request. Sheer pleasure forced the air from her lungs as he filled her once more. “Oh… God,” She breathed, her body rocking with his as he moved with a slowly increasing speed inside of her. “I can’t live without this- without you. I can’t. I don’t want to. I’m not going to let anyone take you from me.” Her teeth clenched in a mixture of pleasure and conviction. “You’re mine.” As the words fell from her mouth, her mind screamed at her to stop. She ignored it, allowing her heart to speak freely. Fuck everyone and everything else. Hadn’t she already given all she could to everyone else only to be abused in return? When was it her turn to take care of herself and her own needs? When was she allowed relief, enjoyment- and even pleasure? She was done with asking.  
Chuck’s breath was heavy as he nipped at her lips, neck and cleavage. “I’m not going anywhere, Babe.” He said heavily. “I won’t leave you alone..” He cupped her face and nuzzled her nose with his as his eyes bored into her. “I am yours, Hillary. Yours alone- if that’s what you want.”  
Hillary ran her hands along his toned arms, and searched his eyes again with her own. “You promise?” “She asked, tears burning her eyes. “You’re mine and I’m yours? Nobody in between?”  
Chuck began to thrust harder, his breathing quickening. He swept her lips up into his again in a sensual languid kiss. Finally breaking it, he pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes besotted with love but stone sober with intent and sincerity. “Nothing and nobody in between us.” He said with conviction. “I promise you that from the bottom of my heart. I won’t ever hurt you like you’ve been hurt, Baby.”  
He suddenly pulled back and hooked the back of her knee with his arm. Angling the leg out slightly, he threw it over his shoulder. The change of angle allowed him to penetrate even more deeply, emitting deep guttural moans from Hillary. Her back arched and her breasts protruded, offering themselves up to him. He leaned down, and took one in his mouth. His tongue circled her nipple and fluttered over the tip as he sucked gently. She moaned as he continued on, varying his speed. Suddenly he slowed and pulled out. She opened her eyes to see him shifting onto his stomach between her legs.   
She gasped loudly, nearly climaxing instantly, the moment his silken tongue made contact. It danced gingerly and with mastery over her sex, electrifying every nerve ending until it sizzled with excitement and want. The air was heavy and thick with body heat and sexual tension.  
He placed a finger at her entrance, and swirled it around the opening, teasing her. She moved against it, to let out a frustrated cry when he moved it away. As he worked her into a frenzy, the speed and pressure increased.  
“Mmmmm… Oooooh….. Yeah.” She began to pant, nearing the edge. She ached and throbbed at her core, yearning for his relieving penetration. She bucked her hips against his mouth and ran her hand through his short hair. Her whimpers and cries flooded his own body with an endorphin rush. He took a sublime pleasure in rendering her oblivious. Somehow, each time they made love it was more intense than the time before and the synergy they created was more addictive than any drug he could imagine.   
He could feel her muscles tensing as she teetered on the brink of release but he wasn’t going to make it that easy for her. Abruptly he stopped, causing her to growl in frustration. Shifting back over her, he winked.   
“Wh- what are you doing?” she nearly demanded.   
“Being thorough,” he scooped his hands underneath her back and lifted her upper body against his. He kissed her again before shifting to the side, forcing her to fall on her hands and knees. He pivoted on his knee to come around behind her. His hands ran along her flank and moved down to cup her hanging breasts. His erect penis slid back and forth stroking her deliciously from front to back as he skimmed her back with his lips.   
“Are you going to answer me?” he asked, his breath heavy and hot on her ear. “What do you want, Hillary?”  
His hand came down, his finger slowly circling her clit, teasing it. Her breath was ragged and shaky, desire burning throughout her mind and body.   
“Oh, God…” She breathed, “Chuck-”  
“Do you want me?” He asked, an urgency in his voice. “Tell me.”  
She whimpered a response he couldn’t make out. “Oh, Chuck, please.” She begged, near tears. He had a way of reducing her to begging that she both hated and craved simultaneously.   
“Tell me” he prodded relentlessly as he continued to tease, the tension stretching so taught, it felt as though the air might snap. “Tell me.”  
She nodded, trying to catch her breath, “Chuck-“  
She wasn’t able to hold out any longer and neither could he. Without warning, he plunged inside of her, causing her to cry out loudly. “Oh!” she threw her head back “Oooh, yeah”   
Then, thrusting as forcefully as he could without hurting her, he massaged her clit. “Tell me, Baby, please. Is this what you want- you want me?”  
“Yes,” she whimpered breathlessly. “I do.”  
“Yeah?” He was barely able to speak now himself.   
Hillary’s entire body shivered as a flash of intense and pleasant heat shot through her entire body. She clutched the sheets underneath her as her muscles tightened again, inching her toward the apex. Chuck must’ve felt it because he quickly leaned back and grabbed her hips, pulling her to him as he thrust hard and deep.   
Hillary pushed back on him meeting each thrust, thoroughly enjoying the new and different sensations brought about by the position change. He was deeper and faster than ever before and she was mentally and physically enrapt. Her body welcomed each penetration and thrust as if he had always been a part of it- and one it demanded.   
“Are you mine, Hillary?” he asked thrusting rapidly. “Tell me again! Are you mine, Baby? Tell me!”  
“Yeeeeeesssss!” The word exploded from mouth as her body convulsed in ecstasy, a spark of white flashing behind her eyes. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”  
As always, her cries caused him to lose control, launching him into climax. As her body claimed his essence, he was overcome with an overwhelming sense of unity with her. In a way he couldn’t explain it but he could feel her heart more completely than ever before.   
“Oh my God, Babe,” he panted as he lay over her back, planting kisses on her neck and shoulder. “You are… the most incredible…woman…” He trailed off, needing to catch his breath.  
She collapsed underneath him, her body continuing to shudder and twitch. Turning on his side next to her, he gently rubbed her back, his hand gliding easily over her sweat-slicked skin. She moaned quietly at his touch.   
“I love you, Charles” she murmured, her face partially buried in the mattress. “I love you with all of me.”  
“And I love you.” He replied.   
She rolled on her side and turned her face to look at him. “Yes.” She nodded affirmatively with a smirk. “After that I have to say I believe you really do”  
They shared a giggle as Chuck grabbed a corner of blanket and gently wiped some of the perspiration from her face.  
“…My God,” Hillary said softly, shaking her head. “Every time I think it can’t possibly get any better between us… you surprise me again.”  
"Need to make sure you never forget me." Chuck quipped.  
Hillary looked at him for several seconds. “I could never forget you if I wanted to.” Her smile faded as she became thoughtful and quiet.   
“You okay, Babe?”  
Hillary nodded. “Y’know, you asked me if I’m yours-”  
Chuck held a hand up. “Don’t worry, I won’t hold you to anything said in the heat of passion. I apologize. I got a bit carried away-.”  
Hillary shook her head. “No, Charles, I meant it. I know now- just now- exactly what I want- and what I need.. I need you. I need us, but…”  
“But what?” Chuck asked, draping his arm over the dip in her waist.  
“I won’t lie to you.” She said, worry coming across her face. “I’m scared.”  
“What scares you- specifically, I mean?” Chuck’s tone was gentle and full of genuine concern and interest. He truly wanted to hear her and it made her instantly fall in love with him all over again.  
“Of losing what we have.” She admitted finally. “These past three months have been the most amazing of my life. You are so good to me, and you love me exactly the way I am. For the first time in years, I feel like I’m actually living instead of just going through the motions and doing my duty. I’m… in love and I’m happy. I love our time together- this world we have with just you and me. I love that it’s ours. It’s ours and it’s nobody else’s business. I revel in that. For the first time in decades, there’s some part of my life that’s actually private. I want to hang onto it as long as I possibly can. I can’t bear the thought that it would ripped away…” She paused for a moment letting him digest. “I’m so sorry if what I’m saying sounds selfish but please try to understand where I’m coming from. I’ve spent thirty years sharing Bill with his public persona, his administrations, his donors, the press, and the rest of the world… and that’s not even to mention other women. But I remember back when we started and we thought we were handling it- and then it seemed like one day we looked up and it had fallen apart.” Tears stung her eyes as she remembered the pain. “I don’t want that to happen to us, and I don’t ever want to share the man I love with anyone else again. Does that make sense?”  
Chuck brought his face to hers and cupped her cheek in his hand. . “Yes, it makes sense. But listen, you don’t have to share me with anybody. I told you I’m not ever gonna hurt you. I will always put you and us first. Nothing comes before you, Hill. Nothing.”  
“I don’t doubt that”. She replied, her eyes flashing with love and quiet exasperation. “It’s not your conduct I’m worried about. It’s the outside world I’m worried about. The things they ruin. The day we let it be known we’re in a relationship, it will be front page news- and it will be presented to the world in the worst possible light. This beautiful thing between us will be twisted into a cheap, tawdry affair. You won’t be just Senator Schumer anymore. You’ll be Senator Schumer who’s having an affair with Hillary Clinton- and people will react to that. You have your own career to think about, too, y’know? Are you prepared for what might happen? What if it were to cost you re-election? ”  
Chuck shook his head. “Then I would gladly walk away. Look, much as I love my career, I love you more. I would drop it in a heartbeat if necessary.”  
“Chuck, I don’t want you to lose something you love because of me.”  
“Okay, whoa” Chuck said gently as he held a hand up. “First, slow your mind down a little. I understand there’s a lot to think about and we will talk about it in great length as we go forward. It will all come in time. We’ll figure it out as we go, okay? But right now, we don’t have to do anything except be who and what we are.”  
Hillary fought the urge to continue and tell him all about what had happened this morning but dismissed the idea. It didn’t matter now, anyway. Her heart knew what and who she needed. As for the rest, Chuck was right. She was getting ahead of everything but at least she’d gotten some of what plagued her off of her chest. For a few moments she remained silent trying to turn her mind to other things but she couldn’t.  
“What about Allie and Jessica?” Hillary asked, unable to help herself.  
“They’re adults with their own lives now.” He said with a shrug. “I’m not worried about it…But I honestly think they’d be happy for me- and for us. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’d be thrilled. I mean, Allie is certain you’re the second coming in female form.”  
Hillary snorted and shook her head. “What will she think once she discovers I’m an imperfect human?” Tears filled her eyes and she became quiet again.   
“We’re all imperfect humans,” Chuck replied. “All that will matter to her is that you’re perfect for me.”  
Hillary nodded, and forced a smile but her eyes held a far- away look.  
Chuck looked at her. “You’re worried about Chelsea”, He surmised, reading her thoughts so accurately it was nearly unnerving.   
Hillary nodded as tears filled her eyes. “She’ll never expect this. Especially not from me.” Hard as she tried, she couldn’t hold the tears back. The idea that Chelsea would be disappointed and hurt by her actions was heart wrenching. Chuck immediately took her in his arms and held her tight.   
“For you it is different story”. He admitted, planting kisses in her damp blonde hair. “It’s okay, though. It’ll all work out. Like I said before, we can take our time with this.” He pulled back to look at her as he brushed her tears away. “Look, you to take the lead. We handle it your way and we don’t do anything until you’re comfortable. Deal?”   
Hillary thought for a moment and then nodded. “Okay...” Her expression became rueful. “God, I’m so sorry, Chuck.”  
“For what?”  
“For being so complicated. This isn’t fair to you.”  
“Hey, I’m a big boy” Chuck said confidently. “I can handle myself. Don’t worry about me.”  
“There will need to be a lot more discussion,” Hillary said, her expression still weary. “This isn’t going to be easy- even at best rate.”  
“Maybe not,” Chuck replied leaning in and kissing her again. “But nothing worthwhile is ever easy.”  
Hillary smiled, her heart feeling warmed again. That was true. How many times had she made that statement in her life? How many times had she lived it out in real time? More than she cared to remember.   
“For the moment, though, I have a better idea-” Chuck said suddenly perky.  
She held up her hands in surrender. “Are you kidding? I can’t possibly take anymore tonight.”  
“Well, thank God for that.” Chuck joked putting his hand over his heart. “Because I couldn’t do that again tonight if I was paid to.”  
They both laughed out loud, breaking the thick tension that had built up in past twenty minutes. “Seriously, Woman,” he continued, levity in his tone. “I cannot keep up with you and your appetite. I swear, one of these days you’re gonna kill me.”  
“Right, right.” Hillary replied, rolling her eyes good naturedly. “I don’t know what I was thinking throwing you on the bed and having my way with you, Mister Thorough.”   
Chuck laughed heartily and leaned in to give her a peck. “So, back to my idea.” He said. “You game for the shower?”  
“That sounds wonderful.” Hillary replied, sitting up and taking his hand. “Absolutely wonderful.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A middle of the night phone call brings shock and grief, but thankfully they have one another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a beautiful conclusion to their evening. This is just the first of many bumps in their road. Enjoy

3:30am

The buzzing woke Hillary from a light slumber. It stopped and immediately began again. Sitting up, she cocked her ear in an effort to determine the source. Within a few seconds, she realized what it was. Across the room, a phone vibrated on the desk. It was Chuck’s.  
Beside her, he lay on his back sleeping soundly, completely unaffected by the noise.  
Hillary rolled over and slid her arm around him. “Chuck”  
He roused slightly, instinctively turning to cuddle with her. “Honey!” She whispered urgently.  
“Hm?” his eyes eased open. “What, Babe?” he asked groggily. “What’s the matter?”  
“Your phone keeps buzzing. I think someone is trying like hell to get a hold of you.”  
Hearing it for himself now, he sat up and slid out of the bed. Hillary watched as he staggered over to the desk and picked it up.  
“Hello?” he answered half asleep. “…Ma?...Ma, what’s wrong?”  
Hillary sat up straight, instantly concerned. She found the light switch on the lamp next to her and clicked it to the dimmest setting. Chuck turned and walked back toward the bed, listening intently to the voice on the other end. “When?”  
Continuing to listen he walked around to Hillary’s side of the bed and sat beside her, phone suddenly trembling in his hand. He turned his head to look at Hillary, tears welling in his eyes. She moved in closer to him, putting her hand on his thigh to signify her support.  
“Ok, Ma, who’s there with you now?” He asked, his voice beginning to quaver as he looked back toward the floor. His hand palmed his face. “Oh, okay…that’s good. I…I’m in Boston but I’ll get on a plane sometime today. I’ll be there by this afternoon or tonight. Whatever I can get for a flight. You just stay with Viv and Sam until I get there, okay?....Did you call Sharon and Eva yet or you want me… oh… alright…I’ll see you all later on, then. Just hang tight for now. I love you, Ma”  
Ending the call, he tossed the phone on the bed behind him and dropped his face into his hands. Hillary laid a hand on his arm. Again, he turned his head in her direction, his expression one of shocked sadness. “My dad.” He explained, his breath suddenly ragged. “Heart attack about an hour and half ago. She said they worked on him for forty minutes. He’s gone.”  
Hillary’s heart sank to her stomach just as it broke for him. She slid off the bed and stepped in front of him to take him in her arms. Chuck let his face fall forward into her, laying it to rest just above her bosom. As he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, he broke down.  
“I’m so sorry, Honey,” Hillary whispered, cradling the back of his head with one hand as she stroked his back with the other. As she felt his body shake from the sobs, she blinked back tears of her own. The life-altering pain of losing a parent was one she knew first hand. The night she lost her father a decade before was still fresh in her memory. She remembered the week-long vigil at the hospital with her mother and brothers, the rhythmic sound of the respirator and the steady beep of the heart rate monitor droning on each day. Gathered around the head of their family, Hugh Rodham’s wife and children had prayed for his recovery. But any hope he might wake up faded more and more with each subsequent sunset. Hillary had been fortunate in that she had known it was coming and had been afforded the chance to say goodbye. Despite the coma, she somehow knew he’d heard those last words she’d said to him. That meant everything. Seeing the shocked pain now in Chuck’s face, she wished with all of her heart that he would’ve had the same opportunity.  
Chuck couldn’t speak, the sobs choking him off. He’d just lost not only his father but one of his very best friends.  
He and his father had always been close. Born the first of three and the only boy, Chuck was his father’s only son and his hope for the future of the Schumer family.  
Abraham had been a proud and moderately successful man but his vintage and circumstances had not provided him the same opportunities that were available to his son’s generation. Early on, he had instilled in Chuck a deep sense of responsibility. From the time Chuck could walk he was aware he was expected to strive and reach for the stars, to grow up to become a successful man, to carry on the pride and dignity of the family legacy, and to take care of the family as a whole. As he grew, he took that responsibility seriously, providing not only for his wife and daughters but occasionally assisting financially whenever he could for his parents and his less affluent sisters later on.  
Despite his parents’ duty-based ideology and expectations, his childhood was far from deprived of enjoyment. There was always some time for fun and play as well as enrichment. Both Abraham and Selma had taken a great interest in their children’s lives and what made them tick. Within that vein , Chuck and his sisters were encouraged to explore, to try new things, and discover their own preferences, talents and abilities- to do what made them happy as long as it wasn’t dangerous or illegal.  
The entire family worked and played together, making a thorough effort to be active in the then-much closer knit Brooklyn community. They volunteered in the soup kitchen during the holidays, donated clothing, brought meals to the elderly several times a year, and on a few occasions, Selma held bake sales to raise money for the neighborhood synagogue. Civic involvement was also stressed in the Schumer household. Chuck remembered many times accompanying his parents to the voting booth- or to the mayor’s office when his father was good and mad about one injustice or another.  
Despite their busy family schedule, Abraham always allotted one-on-one time with his beloved son which Chuck cherished immensely. It was always on Sundays after the chores were finished. In the summer, they’d fish. In the winter they’d work on snow removal or a woodworking project in the garage. Abraham would always teach his son whatever skill he could all while doling out hard-earned wisdom and advice to be stored in Chuck’s memory bank for reference “later in life”. Their time together usually included a meal with just the two of them where they talked about everything from family to school, friends, girls, interests, and ambitions. Regardless of the conversation or activity they shared on any given Sunday, one thing always remained the same. Invariably as they’d walk back toward the door to the house, Abraham would circle an arm around his son’s shoulders. “We good for the week?” Abraham would ask.  
“Yeah, we’re good.” Chuck would answer.  
Then his father would kiss the top of his head, softly adding. “I love you, son.”  
“I love you, too, Dad.”  
That bond always remained strong and deep. And as the years passed it only grew more rooted. With every milestone and success Chuck achieved personally and professionally, his father was there with a proud smile on his face and a pat on the back. When Chuck was sworn in as senator, it’d been one of the very few times he’d seen his father weep.  
“You get the credit for this, Dad”, Chuck always told him. “You’re the brains behind this operation. I’m just the muscle guy.” They then always shared a smile and a hug, each knowing what that meant. Chuck always shared the credit with his father, knowing his achievements would never have been possible with him. Abraham had worked hard and sacrificed many of his own dreams so that Chuck and his sisters could go places in life he could only dream about.  
Through all of life’s ups and downs Chuck had found himself ever thankful for his father’s guidance and support. It amazed him the amount of times he’d relied on those stored lessons and words of wisdom he’d received.  
After several minutes, Chuck released Hillary and scooted back onto the bed. As he slipped under the sheets, he looked up at her, his tear-seared eyes asking her to follow. Hillary gladly found her place beside him and again took him in her arms. His sobs quieted to sniffles as he rested his head on her chest and entwined his body with hers.  
Hillary kissed the top of his head, tears of her own streaming now. She could feel the heavy, suffocating sense of loss and his broken heart.  
“I love you, Sweetheart”, she said softly, stroking his cheek. “I’m so, so sorry. I know it hurts so much.”  
Chuck found himself unable to speak, but he pulled her body even closer to him, expressing his love and gratitude. As much as the pain tore at his heart, her presence eased the sorrow. Had this happened when he was alone and unable to reach to her for comfort, he’d have lost his mind.  
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he finally choked out. “I wish to God I could take you with me.”  
Hillary’s heart sank again. If only she could just up and go with him. “Me too”, she said with a resigned sigh. “Me too…You gonna wait to call your girls?”  
Chuck nodded. “No sense in waking them up right now. They both work until really late. I’ll call ‘em on my way to the airport. I’ll just fly right out of here since I’m already packed and mobile.”  
Hillary nodded in understanding. “You want me to call and see what flights are available?”  
“No, Baby.” He replied quietly as found her hand and laced his fingers in hers. “I’ll handle it. Right now, I just wanna stay right here with you for as long as I can…Dad would’ve loved you, y’know.” He said, lifting his head up and kissing her knuckles as he looked into her eyes that shone with empathetic tears. “He always liked you to begin with. Always told me how he thought you got a raw deal in that White House with all the shit you had to put up with.”  
“Well, I think I’d have liked him a lot, too.” Hillary said, cupping his face in her soft, skinned hand.  
Chuck nodded. “Yeah, you would’ve liked him a lot. He was a good man”. The last two words came out in a throaty moan. “I-I’m gonna miss him a lot.” Tears again overflowed his eyes and for a moment all he could do was ride the wave of grief.  
“I wish I could’ve have thanked him for raising such an amazing son.” Hillary said softly, crying with him.  
Her sentiment touched Chuck’s heart and he leaned in for a kiss which she granted without hesitation. “I love you, Hill.” He said, his eyes full of vulnerability, not unlike the eyes of a wounded child.  
“And I love you.” As she looked into his face she felt her heart flower open anew. The intense need to comfort and love him washed over her. She wanted badly to nurture and protect him. She leaned in and kissed his lips tenderly. Once parted, their gazes locked, their souls connecting in a new and different way. It was stronger, deeper and changed somehow.  
Chuck felt himself, hardening again despite his grief. He needed her in her totality, just as she needed to give herself to him. To absorb her love just as she needed to absorb his sorrow. Without conscious thought, he adjusted himself to meet her lips at a level angle. His hand came behind her head to pull it to his. As his lips found hers again, he swept his tongue around the rim of her open mouth, and then tenderly skimmed his lips over hers, never breaking contact but not fully committing. He was prolonging the moment, savoring the taste of her, reveling in the emotionally -charged fire that was intensifying by the moment.  
Hillary whimpered involuntarily as her lips danced delicately with his. Wrapping her arms around him, she nestled further down into the bed underneath him as letting his body come down on hers. Finally the kiss became deep and languid and Hillary melted into him. She could feel the heat of desire collecting at her core as his lower half came to rest between her legs.  
“Let me love you”, She whispered softly, her breath hot and heavy on his face. “Let me take the hurt away- even if it’s just for a little while.“  
Chuck moaned in response to her words, drowning her in a deep kiss again before gently sliding inside of her. They each sighed in satisfaction as their bodies joined.  
Chuck disengaged from the kiss and brought his head down to nibble the shell of her ear before grazing his lips along her elegant, porcelain-skinned neck. Then, bringing it to rest in the hollow space between her neck and shoulder, he just breathed in the scent of her, finding a peaceful catharsis in the essence of her.  
Hillary pulled him tighter to her, grinding against him. Chuck followed her lead until they established a slow and sensual rhythm. They each closed their eyes, just relishing the closeness they felt. The physical pleasure was immense, but peripheral. In this encounter the sex was a byproduct. This was about love, trust, comfort, and intimacy on a soul- healing level.  
For what seemed like forever, they moved together, sharing their bodies, their hearts, and their souls with one another. When their lips met, every breath she took became his and his became hers. It was slow, sensual, and tantric lovemaking on an elevated plane.  
When their bodies eventually reached the point of release, the waves of pleasure washed over them in a smooth and gentle synchronic unison that neither had ever experienced before.  
Once the movement stopped, they held each other still for extended period of time, neither of them speaking for fear of breaking the spell. Right now, time seemed suspended and the pain of reality far away.  
Soon, Chuck would have to get up and tear himself away from the comfort of her arms to face the heart wrenching pain of loss and grief -without her. Soon, Hillary, too, would have to get up and get on with her responsibilities, worries, and pain- without him. Neither could stand the thought of it missing each other the way they knew they would but both knew it would have to be so. All of that would happen _soon_. But, in this frozen moment within this celestial place of precious peace and contentment, they held on to one another as long as they possibly could. This was surely Heaven.... and Hell could wait.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After parting with Chuck earlier in the week, Hillary is on her way to a very important annual Christmas visit with an old friend. On the way, a drive through her home town brings her face to face with her past and her present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tough time for Hillary requiring a lot of introspection. Here I wanted to delve into her past a bit and shed some light on her identity and thought processes- and how her history shaped them. I hope this conveys some of the inner conflict she's feeling as she goes through this emotionally- charged and confusing time

_**Bill,** _

_**These years have been an intense journey. We have been through so much and shared joys and sorrows beyond that of what many other couples ever face…..** _

_**Bill,** _

_**In our years together we’ve created a story that is unique and powerful. Some of it has been amazing and joyful. As we know there have been deeply painful times as well...** _

_**Bill,** _

_**I write this with both love and regret in my heart. For better or worse everything we’ve done we’ve done together…** _

Hillary’s eyes blurred as they glossed over the paper for the thousandth time. She’d tried starting it so many different times in so many different ways, and still she hadn’t found the appropriate or adequate words. Somehow, it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t even close. How did a person end a marriage of thirty years when you still cared? When you knew you needed to go, but couldn’t bring yourself to do it?  How was she supposed to just cut him off entirely? She wasn’t sure she could. But…

Her head was beginning to pound. She was so tired of thinking about it, stressing about it.   _Enough for now_ , she thought, closing the composition binder with a commencing thud.

Desperate for a distraction she looked out the tinted window of the Escalade. I-90 East was frosty, and salt- stained with fresh snow piled up against the center divide and the shoulder. The Chicago area had welcomed a monster snow storm two days before. Totals had reached 24 inches in just twelve hours with a subzero deep freeze forecasted to settle in on area by evening. Hillary was glad she’d be safely settled in at her destination by then. Earlier in the week, Hillary had worried that the storm’s aftermath would hamper her ability to make this special annual trip that meant so much to her. She’d breathed a sigh of relief when the storm moved through as quickly as it did. In fifteen years, she hadn’t ever missed this sacred weekend ritual.

 “Not too much longer now and you can start enjoying the holiday season” Brad said meeting her eyes in the rearview mirror as he turned off onto the exit to Park Ridge. “You wanna stop in town for anything?”

She considered it for a moment. Often, when they came through at Christmas time she would stop and purchase some candy at the old confectionary or purchase something from one of the local garment shops to give as a gift. On those occasions, she’d usually chat with the locals and sign autographs or take pictures with the people who happened to have a camera. On a few occasions over the years, she’d taken her philanthropic Christmas spirit a step further. Dropping by places she wasn’t expected she’d speak with people and assess what she could do to improve somebody’s situation or circumstances.

Two years ago, she’d stopped by the grossly underfunded local nursing home to find out what was most needed. She spent hours talking with the residents and the facility’s director. After that visit, she’d paid to replace the heating system that had already been fixed as many times as it could before failing almost entirely. Another time, she’d visited the town’s small children’s intensive care unit. When she’d met the parents and heard of their struggles to pay for the costly care, she’d collected their information with a promise to assist them with obtaining some type of financial help. Two months after, she’d received calls from those same families who were now crying tears of relief and gratitude. Hillary had quietly but feverishly pulled every favor she could from friends and colleagues associated with various foundations and charity groups. They’d come through in a big way and taken care of most of it, leaving a relatively small amount remaining. Hillary covered it herself.

It made her feel good to help those people and she was grateful to be in a position to do it. It was her way of giving back to the people of her home town that had given her so much in the early years of her life.

This trip was different, however. She just wasn’t in the mood to shop or socialize.  “Nah.” She replied finally. “I’m good.”

 As they approached the town limits she felt a weight lifting from her chest. She was home. No matter how many times she left it behind or how long she’d been gone, returning here always felt natural and welcoming. Park Ridge was her cathartic cocoon that calmed and soothed her unlike any other place she would ever visit. As they rolled down Dempster Street, she found herself smiling as the memories flooded her mind. All of her old haunts were still there: Her old high school, the movie theater where she’d spent so much time with friends on cold, wintery Saturday nights, the diner where she’d had her first date in high school. She remembered Jack and couldn’t help but wonder what had ever become of him. He’d been such a wonderfully kind young man but he tended to be nervous and too submissive. He was nervous about offending her and often intimidated by her intellect and drive. When they were together alone he’d had trouble contributing to the in-depth analytical conversations she would initiate about scholastics, pop culture, or politics. When they got together with friends from school, Jack would sit, politely nodding while he listened, but added nothing to the conversation.  The relationship between them had lasted only that one summer in their junior year. As attracted as they’d been to one another physically, they were cerebrally and socially mismatched.

As they passed the church on the corner, she felt a pang of longing in her gut. Over the years, some changes had occurred: The wooded siding had been replaced by decorative concrete and brick exterior walls, the windows had been updated, a new side entrance had been installed, and a larger parking lot had been paved. But a few things remained the same. Still intact was the garden out back, the well-manicured shrubs across the front, and the large Oak tree underneath which she and her brothers had shared their Sunday picnic lunches in the warmer months. That church had been her second home- the place where she’d built much of the foundation of her identity. Of course, her thinking as it pertained to the world was far more limited then. She’d been so innocent of the world around her, protected from the far harsher realities that existed outside the borders of this small, middle-class, Midwestern town.

“You have no idea how good you’ve got it” her father had told her time and again whenever she dared complain about some minor inconvenience in her young life. Much as she resented the comments then, he’d been right. So very right. The past thirty years had educated her in such a way that she now felt the full weight of his words. Each time she witnessed abject poverty or oppression at home or abroad, her father’s words echoed in her ear, haunting her.

Things had indeed been very good for her in her formative years. It had been so simple then in that quaint, post WWII environment. Dutiful and obedient, Hillary had played by all the moral and societal rules as she knew them, and she took her faith and commitment to being in service of others seriously. That sense of commitment was still very much a part of who she was, but she couldn’t help but look at this aging building with a much more jaded eye than she once had. The inequality, struggle and pain she’d seen in the world since she’d begun traveling it, made that Methodist Sunday school dogma seem naïve and painfully oversimplified- even trite. Still, she held those memories close to her heart. It was the only place that simplistic world she once knew still existed.

She also felt a pang of another emotion as she remembered her favorite Sunday school teacher. What would Mrs. Benson think about her now? What would she think of Hillary’s life now? Hillary was sure she’d have approved of her professional accomplishments and her service to country. Her current status of planning to divorce her husband while committing adultery regularly, however…not so much. Hillary was also sure Jesus wasn’t thrilled with her right now, either. Much as she hated to admit it to herself, the thought that she’d fallen short in the eyes of either made her feel slightly queasy.

 _Great,_ Hillary thought _, just what I need. Religious guilt-moral guilt._   _A good old-fashioned Christian staple_. She took a deep breath and blew it out letting the discomfort of it wave over her. If she was being honest with herself, though, feeling a touch of this particular type of guilt actually made her feel marginally better. If she felt it, she reasoned wryly, she couldn’t have corrupted herself entirely. She resolved to take it in stride and mentally file it away with the other guilt she’d been experiencing lately. She figured Moral Guilt would fit nicely between its two derivative cousins: Marital and Mother’s.

“Well, look at that” Brad said suddenly, pointing to the right as he passed the corner on Water St. “They built a new strip mall since we were here last.”

Hillary’s eyes located and studied it. It was a small, three-shop mini mall with a Starbucks, an Irving’s Bookstore, and a Subway. An unexpected and fleeting sense of resentment shot through her. She didn’t like it. This new building somehow felt like an intrusion. This was her safe haven. She didn’t want the outside world coming in.

“ Just wonderful” Hillary said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Commercial sprawl.”

“Yeah,” Brad replied, adjusting the speed of the heater fan. “I guess what they say is true. ‘You can’t go home again’.

Hillary fought the sudden urge to lash out at him for the comment. He was just conversing, but the way he phrased the statement hammered painfully on the raw nerve running through her anxiety-filled heart. She needed this place, damn it, and she needed the comfort of continuity. Especially right now. She needed something in her life to needed remain solid, sane and recognizable to her. For a few seconds she fumed internally. “Yeah, whatever.” She said finally unable to hide the disappointed aggravation she felt. “Christ.”

Brad caught her eyeroll in the rearview mirror. “You okay, Hill?”

Hillary inhaled deeply and held it a moment. “Actually, no.” She confessed, exhaling as she spoke. “But I’m dealing with it. Just ignore me, Brad. Been a long week and I’m tired and a little edgy. I’m sorry.”

          “No need to apologize,” Brad said calmly, not missing a beat. “Happens to the best of us. Anything you want to talk about?”

Hillary shook her head with a weak smile. “No. But thanks for asking.”

She could’ve talked to Brad. His dual role as a chauffer, lent him some insight into what was going on in her life, but he didn’t know the gory details- nor did he need to. She didn’t want to get into it and burden him with it. His job was already big and full enough without having to be her talk therapist, too.

          “Hey Brad?”

          “Yes, Ma’am.”

          “I know we don’t always say it enough, but I want to say thank you.”

          “For what?”

          “For putting up with us all these years.” She said plainly.  “I know we’ve put you guys through a lot over the years.”

Brad smiled. “It’s always been my pleasure.” He replied sincerely. “It really has. You guys are good people.”

A sad smile crossed her lips. “Well, I’m glad you feel that way. But just between you and me, I want to give you fair warning. Things might get a tad bumpy again in the future. I’m not going to get into specifics that might put you in a position. Just letting you know that you may see some changes in our family coming up. I don’t want it to shock you. That’s all.”

Brad nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, fair enough. Thanks for the heads up.”

They passed a snow-covered field on their left as they neared the other side of the town’s limits.

“Y’know,” she said. “That field over there is the nicest place to fly a kite in the spring and summer.”

“Yeah, looks like it.” Brad replied. “You spend a lot of time there?”

“Yeah, my brothers and me used to take our kites down there and spend hours flying them.” She laughed remembering the thousands of times she’d had to chase after Tony’s kite before it flew away. “Of course, once the other kids got the same idea, it became more difficult.  When there were twelve kites in the air, it became nearly impossible to fly your own without tangling with someone else’s. Suffice it to say there were many ruined kites… but we had a good time anyway.”

 The chime on her phone pulled her from her journey down memory lane. “Excuse me, Brad.”

 She grabbed her phone on the seat next to her and opened to find Chuck’s message. Her heart both fluttered and ached simultaneously.  God, she wished he was here.

_Hi, Babe. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to get back to you earlier. We were meeting with the funeral director. Are you there yet?_

Hi. That’s okay. I figured. Almost there. Going through Park Ridge now. Another 15-20 and I’ll finally be off the road. How’s your mom and the rest of the family?

_Things here as good as can be expected. My mother seems to be doing better than we are. Eva is taking it especially hard. I’ll tell you all about it later… Listen, please have a wonderful time this weekend. You need to enjoy a little and let your hair down._

_I will, I’m sure. But talk later tonight?  I miss you. I’ve been thinking and worrying about you since we left Boston._

It had been truly painful parting that morning.  She wanted nothing more than to give into the impulse to leave with him and not look back. To just throw caution to the wind and let all be known without a care as to what anyone thought. But her affliction with the proverbial responsibility gene wouldn’t allow her to do that. She still had a husband, a daughter, and a state full of constituents to worry about. The last thing she wanted was to plague their lives with another “scandal”. They’d all had more than enough of that kind of disruption to last a lifetime as it was.

  _No. There’s a smart way to handle this,_ she’d reminded herself _, and there’s a dumb way._ Hillary, as usual, would take her time, considering everything, asking for advice and guidance both from trusted confidants and from God if he was still listening, until she found the right way.

Chuck chimed in again with a response _. And I miss you, Babe- terribly.  Just give me a holler tonight when you can. We’re going to have dinner tonight with relatives but I’ll be back by 8 or 8:30. Otherwise, you can call me in the morning if that works out better. Can’t wait to see you when I get home. I should be back by Wednesday night. I’m leaving after the funeral._

_Ok. Sounds good._ Hillary typed, though her heart felt differently. It was Friday. Wednesday felt like it was a hundred years away. _Talk to you tonight. Xoxo_

_I look forward to it. xoxo_

She snapped the phone shut and closed her eyes. It had been three months and she knew she couldn’t live without him. She didn’t want to either. As for Bill, she’d heard nothing from him since the confrontation at the house. She knew he’d been busy this week on a trip of his own for the Clinton Foundation, but it still seemed odd that he hadn’t contacted her at all. He was apparently waiting on her to make a move, and that was fine. But it still seemed strange.

“You wanna call and alert her, Hillary” Brad said. “We’re  about seven or eight minutes out, now.” 

A feeling of deep relief came over her. _Thank God._ She thought. She couldn’t wait to finally talk to someone she trusted completely to help her find her way through this mess.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Hillary visits with a dear old friend back home near Park Ridge, she's hoping to find some peace and tranquility- some time away from her troubles. But will old ghosts allow her to forget?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so glad I finally could update. Things here have been unbelievably busy and I haven't had much time to write. Thanks to all of you for bearing with me. The next chapter is nearly completely written. So enjoy this. Plenty more to come.

 

Ebeling Residence

Morton Grove, IL

Mid-December, 2002

Betsy Johnson Ebeling was placing the finishing touches on the family Christmas tree. Having baked all morning, she’d filled the house with a mixture of aromas that included sugar, vanilla, gingerbread, and cinnamon. A light, gentle snow fell outside the window, creating a classic Christmas card scene- and a matching sentiment within her.

Betsy had a lot of reasons to smile this year. For the first time in years her entire family would be together for Christmas dinner, everyone was healthy, her credit card debt had been paid off, and the house was decorated to perfection. There was another reason to smile as well. Her dearest and closest friend would be joining her tonight for their annual ladies’ weekend.

The doorbell rang, just as she finished with the ornaments. She nearly ran to the door, full of childlike excitement. This visitation was one she always looked forward to all year long- even on the years when they were able to catch one another more than once. Of course, any time they were together it was special, but at Christmas it was especially meaningful.

She flung the door open to see her awaited guest accompanied by her two most loyal and trusted secret service agents.

“Hi you!” Betsy greeted exuberantly, throwing her arms open wide.

“Merry Christmas!” Hillary exclaimed, stepping immediately into Betsy’s waiting embrace. They hugged tightly and stood outside for a few minutes as Brad and Jim began scouring of her home and property.

Hillary broke the hug and gestured toward the ground with her hand. “So, what’s the deal” She chided in reference to a long-standing inside joke. “No red carpet?”

 “It’s on back order.” Betsy said, playing along. “It _is_ the holiday season, you know.”

They both giggled.

“Oh, hey Jim!” Betsy called to one of the agents before he rounded the corner of the house. “The bombs are in the garage, just to the left of where I keep the anthrax.”

Jim raised his hand in acknowledgment. “Good to know Betsy”, he said, not missing a beat. “We’ll be right on that.” The three of them all shared in a laugh and he disappeared behind the side of the house.

“I am so happy to see you”, Hillary said looking back at Betsy. A warm and relieved look emanated from her eyes.

“You’re telling me”, Betsy replied evenly. “I’m so very glad you were able to make it. With your schedule being what it is sometimes I’m not sure if I’ll see you.”

“I’ve never missed yet, have I?”

Betsy shook her head. “No. No, you haven’t. Thankfully.”

Finally Brad joined them at the door. “Go on in, ladies, you’re all set.”

“Thanks, Brad”, Hillary said, as she and Betsy finally stepped back into the house. “Betsy, where do you want the guys to bunk?”

“Got a room ready for them upstairs” Besty replied pointing toward the second floor “just down from yours. Same as last year.”

“Ok” Hillary stepped to the door and called out to them. “You’re upstairs again, guys. Same room.”

“Ok, let’s get your coat and- “ Betsy stopped short as Hillary grabbed her and hugged her tightly again. She held on an extra long time and, while Betsy certainly wasn’t complaining, a flicker of concern passed through her mind. She immediately sensed something amiss with Hillary- a sort of …quiet desperation. After a few moments, Betsy pulled back and was nearly positive she saw tears welling Hillary’s eyes.

          “You okay, Honey?” Betsy asked.

“I’m great!” Hillary said brightly, her eyes belying her smile. “Glad to be here. I’ve missed you, Bets- a lot.”

Betsy nodded, smiling as she studied Hillary’s face. “I missed you a lot, too, Sweetie. I never can wait to see you.” She couldn’t place it exactly but something was very definitely…of _f_.  For now, she filed it away in the back of her mind.

“Well, let’s get you in here.” She said, helping Hillary shed her coat. “How was traffic getting here?”

“Not too bad” Hillary replied with a sigh. “Of course, I’m not really the one to ask, I suppose. I don’t have to deal with it.” Her head cocked back over her shoulder, gesturing toward Brad and Jim. “Those guys do.”

“True.” Betsy finished hanging the coat on the door hook and circled her arm around Hillary’s shoulders. “So, I have all sorts of sin and hedonism in store for us this weekend.” She said as they ventured into the short hallway that led to the kitchen.

Hillary nodded at her with a knowing glance. “Yeah, I noticed you’ve been baking.” Hillary surmised, making her way toward the kitchen's open archway. “It smells fantastic in here.”

 “I made your favorites”, Betsy said in a sing-song tone.  She tiptoed playfully past Hillary to the kitchen counter and grabbed a mounded plate covered with tin foil. She pulled it back to reveal beautiful, creamy white sugar cookies.

Hillary’s eyes widened as her hand went over her heart. “Oh my God, you didn’t. Your mother’s sugar cookies.”

Betsy nodded with a proud smile. “These… _and_ the chocolatey fruit and nut mix you love.”

Hillary hung her tongue from the side of her mouth as she eyed the sugar cookies she never could refuse. As a kid she’d been convinced that Mrs. Johnson’s sugar cookies were the best in the tri state area and she still believed it. They were moist, rich, and flavorful with a calorie count beyond measure. “I shouldn’t” Hillary said as she selected one, “but I never could say no to these.”

          Betsy shot Hillary a perturbed look over the top of her glasses. “Have you forgotten the rules?” She asked barely maintaining her deadpan expression. “It’s our special holiday weekend and just as with every other year, there are no diets allowed.” She paused to let Hillary take in her faux scolding while Hillary grinned at her amused. “And besides that, it’s Christmas which means nothing has any calories anyway.”

Hillary laughed with a snort. “Yeah, right! If only.”

Betsy grabbed a cookie for herself and took a bite as she set the plate back on the counter. “Anyway,” She said leaning against the counter, “Mom used to make extra batches of these especially for you, you know?” She said with a small smile. “She knew you loved them- and she dearly loved you.”

          “I know… and I loved her, too.” Hillary replied with a reminiscent smile as she bit into the cookie. For a moment, she became distant, lost in memories as she chewed. She had nothing but fond and warm memories of Katherine Johnson who’d always treated Hillary like one of her own daughters. A wave of sadness washed over her as she remembered the grief she felt when Katherine died. “I think I cried for a week when your mom passed,” Hillary said softly. “both for you _and_ for me. “She always was my second mother.”

          “I know” Betsy said with a nod. “You were definitely her third daughter. I think most times she loved you more than she ever loved me or Jeannie. God knows, she certainly _liked_ you better than she liked us.”

          “Oh Gawd, here we go.” Hillary rolled her eyes in feigned annoyance. “So, you’re gonna be a pain in the ass right away, then?”

Besty nodded affirmatively with a smirk. “Well, of course I am. After all these years, I see no reason for me to change now. Do you?”

Hillary laughed, shaking her head. “No, not at all.”

They found their way to the kitchen table. The rest of the afternoon was spent catching up on the gossip as it related to Betsy’s family as well as the mixed bag of mutual friends  she and Hillary had shared for years. They swapped stories about who’d gotten married, re-married, divorced, pregnant, promoted, fired, who had sent their kids off to college, and who had moved. After quite a while they ventured upstairs where Betsy proudly showed Hillary the newly- remodeled Master bedroom and adjoining bath.

          “This looks beautiful,” Hillary said taking in the tastefully- done seascape motif in the bathroom. “I love that shade of blue.”

          “Yeah, it surprised me, actually. I wasn’t sure about it before it dried, but it turned out.” Betsy looked at Hillary  pointed to the countertop where a lovely arrangement of seashells had been affixed with a clear apoxy. “ You remember these?”

Hillary’s brow furrowed. “Seashells?”

Betsy nodded. “The huge Silver Dollars in particular…”

Hillary stepped forward and looked them over, trying to place the significance. 

“Our "double date" week in St. Martin?”

Suddenly Hillary’s eyes opened wide as the memories flooded back. “Oh my God,” Hillary burst into laughter. “Yes, now I remember! You and I ran off to the beach early in the morning to hunt shells, still pretty drunk while Bill and Dale slept it off.”

“That would be the one.”

“Wow, I can't believe you still have these” Hillary said leaning over the countertop to look at them more closely. “They certainly have weathered well.”

“Yeah,” Betsy said, a smile coming over her face. “I stored them in a Ziploc bag on a high shelf in the basement. I always knew I’d do something with them.”

“It’s beautiful- I really love it.” Hillary said, staring at the seashell arrangement. For a moment she became wistful. “We were all so young then. Where did the time go?” Her mind drifted to that amazing week of tropical play in 1977. They’d all played hard, drinking, staying up until dawn, carousing like they were teenagers without a care in the world. She and Bill had re-connected in so many ways during that week-not the least of which was sexually. They’d felt an appetite for one another that prior to that vacation had suffered some dampening. Bill’s adjustment to his position of Attorney General had him laser-focused on his new duties while Hillary had been absorbed in her own work as an attorney and co-founder of the Advocates for Children and Families.

Tears threatened her eyes remembering that feeling with him- of being in love and full of hope for the future. _My God_ , she thought. _Where did **we** go?_ Change, it seemed, came no matter how much one wished it wouldn’t. 

“Hill?”

Hillary snapped out of her distracted trance. “Oh, sorry.” She said, forcing a smile. “I was just remembering, that’s all. That was a great vacation.”

“Yes it was”, Betsy said, furtively gauging Hillary’s state. Angst and sadness emanated from Hillary like radiant heat but Betsy fought the urge to call her on it. “We’re all lucky we didn’t kill ourselves with as much as we drank that week.” Betsy said, deciding to wait on prying into Hillary’s psyche. If she knew Hillary the way she knew she did, Hillary would let her know when she was ready to talk about it. “Thank God we’re all older and wiser now, right?”

 Betsy’s attempt to shift to a lighter tone fell flat.

“Yeah,” Hillary replied quietly, seemingly unconvinced.

“Say, it’s five o’clock”, Betsy said changing the subject. “Are you getting hungry? I was thinking pizza?”

“Yeah,” Hillary responded, returning to her cheery disposition. “That sounds terrific.”

Betsy let Hillary walk out first, before shutting off the light and exiting herself. “I’m thinking garbage pizza.” She said.

“My favorite kind.”

 On their way down the hallway to the stairs, they passed Hillary’s room and Hillary halted. “Bets, I’d like to change into some cozies for the night.” She said stepping toward the entry. “I’ll be right down.”

“No problem.” Betsy said as she continued to walk. “I’ll see you in a few. I’ll get some tunes going, too.”

“Fantastic,” Hillary answered. She darted into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. Crossing the area from the door to the bed in just a few strides, she grabbed a pillow and immediately pressed it to her face letting the pillow absorb her tears and sobbing as grief of days gone by besieged her. Dear God, what had happened to their life together? How could they have lost it? She wasn’t sure she’d ever have the exact answer as to how. She just knew they had.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hillary and Betsy have a heart to heart. But will Hillary's attempt to find clarity backfire?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang on. WE're going to climb some hills and crash into some valleys as we go forward.. Enjoy the ride!

Hillary took extra time in washing the few dishes they’d made from their pizza dinner. She welcomed the soothing sensation of the warm, soapy water on her hands as she gazed out the window above the sink.

The home across the street glowed beautifully, lending it an almost heavenly air. The gable end was lined with colored lights that cut over the top of the attached garage. The two pines in front were also lighted and expertly decorated with large ornaments that glistened in the lights and reflected against the snowy blanket underneath them. In the center of the yard was an elaborate nativity scene made of handcrafted wood. It was complete with three wise men along with all the animals said to have attended the birth of Jesus. Under a softly-lit and highly detailed manger, Mary and Joseph kneeled beside the newborn king with expertly-carved soft smiles of serenity. For a moment, she felt a sense of envy, wishing desperately that she could feel such peace within herself. She’d been praying for clarity and calm but so far, both were eluding her. She desperately needed to talk but was still trying to find the right moment.

Betsy walked by her to the fridge and opened it. “Red or white, Darling?”

Hillary turned her head to look at Betsy who now sported a mischievous grin. “Hmmm” Hillary replied with a smile. “Decisions, decisions...” She normally would've chosen white. But tonight that wasn't going to cut it.  Tonight red seemed more appropriate. "Red." She answered definitively.

Betsy nodded and reached in. "Red it is!"

After Betsy grabbed some wine glasses, she and Hillary made their way to the living room sofa. "I've got some great flicks in the library we could watch after a while." Betsy said. "You can pick?"

Hillary nodded. "Sure thing."

"I want to show you something I came across the other day." Betsy seated herself at the end of the sofa and pulled a photo book out from the bottom of the wooden end table. She set it next to her as Hillary joined her on the sofa and opened the bottle of wine. "You're going to just flip when you see these."

"Oh no" Hillary quipped, with a side eye. "What have you dug up?"

Betsy smiled as she filled both of their glasses. "Okay" She said returning the bottle to the table and handing Hillary a glass. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Betsy picked up the photo album and opened it. Memories of days gone lay spread across the pages. There had been many photos taken of she and Betsy over the years but these were different. She hadn't seen any of these before. 

"You've never seen these before either, have you?" Betsy asked just to be sure.

"No, never", Hillary replied, her mouth a bit agape. "Where'd you find these?"

"These were in with a bunch of photos I got from mom's house. I just recently went through all of them and found these. I'd never seen them before, either.  Thought I'd put them in a book and surprise you."

Hillary's smile widened with each page as they commented on their memories of each event or person captured in the photographs. Summer camping in Wisconsin with the church group, birthdays, holidays, and various outdoor gatherings with other friends, neighbors or relatives. High school graduation. Trips to the zoo with friends. They laughed and talked as they sipped and shared the memories.

Several pages in, a photo suddenly appeared that made Hillary's chest suddenly feel tight. "There were some more obscure photos of you and Bill, too." Betsy said, looking down at the book. "Somebody caught you and Bill in an intimate moment."

Hillary froze as she took in the scene in the photograph- one she'd never known was taken.. The photo had been taken in the basement den of Margot Well's- a mutual friend she and Betsy spent a lot of time with in high school. When Hillary brought Bill home to meet her family, there'd been a gathering of old friends.  Bill and Hillary had retreated downstairs to cool off and be alone after they'd gone swimming in a nearby lake. There, in recliner, she was seated in Bill's lap, their arms around each other, their lips locked. The memory was bitter-sweet. She remembered how they had made love that night at the hotel they stayed "Well," Hillary said, trying to hide her discomfort. "I guess we weren't as alone as we thought we were."

Betsy turned the page again to  another photo of she and Bill with an infant Chelsea at a swimming pool with Betsy and Dale. "That was a great day." Betsy said still looking down at the photo album. "We a lot of great times together."

Indeed they had, Hillary thought, but she had no commentary to add. She was too distracted by the crushing weight she felt settling in her chest. The memories of she and Bill during happier times was more than she could take at the moment. She let Betsy flip the last remaining pages only half - paying attention. Once Betsy finished and closed the album, she glanced over at Hillary who was sitting next to her with that far away look in her eyes again. 

Before Betsy could inquire, Hillary set her wine glass down on the coffee table and turned to her. “Bets”, she said quietly. “I really need to talk to you about something.”

Betsy studied her face closely for a moment, remembering the inkling she’d had when Hillary arrived earlier in the day. _I knew something was up_. “Yeah," Betsy agreed,  with a nod and a  wince. "I think you really do."

Hillary shook her head and raised her eyebrows. “It’s that apparent, huh?”

“For someone who has known you since childhood, yes.” Betsy replied. “I knew something was wrong from the moment you got here- I could sense you weren’t yourself. What’s going on?”

Hillary took in a deep breath and sighed heavily.  Betsy could tell she was trying to weigh her thoughts and perhaps measure her words.

“Aw, c’mon, Gert” Betsy prodded, addressing Hillary with the pet name she’d bestowed upon her in grade school. “Don’t hold back. You know you can always talk to me about anything.”

Hillary nodded slowly, telling herself she needed to trust that, but this was uncharted territory and she was nervous.

“I need you to first promise me one thing.” Hillary said, tears already shining in her eyes. “Please promise me you won’t think less of me. I just can’t bear the thought that anything would come between us.”

Betsy sat up at attention, alarm bells going off in her head. After more than forty years, she’d seen Hillary in nearly every circumstance and frame of mind. Except in rare instances, Hillary rarely cried in front of anyone- even her. Whatever was going on, it was seriously tearing her apart.

          “Hillary, in over four decades, you’ve done all you possibly could to surprise me- and I’m still here.” She smiled warmly and Hillary smiled back through tears. Betsy took Hillary’s hand in hers, as she set her own glass down on the coffee table. “Listen, I’m closer to you than my own sister- you know that. No matter what, I’m not going anywhere… You _do_ have me worried here, though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this out of sorts. So, please fill me in. I can’t help if I don’t know what it is.”

Hillary opened her mouth to speak but faltered. Where, she wondered, could she begin?

“Is it Bill?” Betsy probed suddenly, holding a finger up, her facial expression stern. “It’s not _that_ nonsense again, right?” Much as Betsy loved Bill there was a part of her that was still angry at him for how badly he’d hurt Hillary with his womanizing.

Hillary shook her head as she held up a hand. “No, it’s not that-it’s not Bill. Well, some of it is Bill but… this time it’s actually _me_ that’s a hot mess.”

Betsy relaxed a bit and then restrained a torrent of interrogation that threatened to leap from her mouth. She resolved to be patient and let Hillary talk.

          “So, as you already know, Bill and I have had a lot of problems the past two years.” Hillary continued, taking a sip of her wine. “Things have deteriorated even more since you and I talked last. Now, changes have occurred in my own life and…I’m sad to say that now we have a gigantic cluster.”

Betsy listened closely, her brow furrowing as she tried to discern where Hillary was going with this. “What sort of changes?”

          There was a long pause as Hillary searched for a way to break this news to someone she loved and respected. Betsy was not likely to approve of her relationship with Chuck and Hillary loathed the thought of disappointing her. In some ways, telling Betsy was worse than telling her own mother. Summoning the courage, she looked Betsy in the eye. “This is so hard for me to tell you because I know you’re not going to like it. But I just hope that if you can allow me to explain where I’m coming from you’ll understand…”

“Hill”, Betsy said reassuringly, “I love you no matter what. That won’t ever change.”

Hillary supposed that deep down she’d already known that but the assurance was helpful. Nevertheless, it was difficult to say the words. She swallowed hard and began her confession. “Bets…I’ve been… seeing someone.”

It took a moment for Betsy to absorb the sentence. Her eyes blinked repeatedly and she took a deep breath in. She hoped her face wasn’t showing the shock she felt- but it was. “O-okay… Um, wow… I-I wasn’t expecting that, but… o-okay…”

Hillary looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry-“

“No, no, please.” Betsy brought her hand up to Hillary’s shoulder, compassion in her eyes. “Don’t be sorry. I’m very glad you told me, Honey.  I just need a few seconds to wrap my mind around this… and maybe a little more wine- but seriously...” She reached for her wine glass and took a sip as she studied Hillary’s face. Betsy’s heart broke seeing the angst and confusion that plagued her beloved friend. It was the first time she’d ever seen Hillary like this.

 “So… first things first.” Betsy began. She was going to help her unpack it. That was how they’d analyzed and figured out issues for years. “Is this a serious, long-term thing or?”

“Yeah”, Hillary nodded, as she wiped away streaming tears. “I sure hope so.”

“You love this guy?”

Hillary nodded again decisively. “I do. I really do. And most importantly, those feelings are reciprocated… “

“Ok”, Betsy said. “I hear a ‘but’ coming.”

 “ _But_ ” Hillary continued on cue with a nod, “then there’s Bill.” Hillary shook her head somberly, looking toward the living room window. “I do still love him, Bets. I always will. But I think I love the Bill I married…And that’s just not who he is anymore. I just… I don’t know. I just feel like I can’t let go. Not completely. Just when I think I can, I find I can’t. I don’t know how to let go of a man I’ve been with all of my life. How do I do that, Bets? How?”

Betsy nodded in understanding. “May I ask who this gentleman is?”

          Hillary considered withholding the information but realized it was pointless now. “Chuck Schumer.”  

Betsy’s eyes widened, making Hillary giggle despite herself. “I take it you weren’t expecting that either?”

Betsy smiled as she shook her head. “Nope.” She admitted. “But that’s okay…I guess it makes sense, though. You two are together all the time.”

          “Well, we certainly never planned this, that’s for sure.” Hillary said drawing in a ragged breath. “Anyway, I’m sorry. I don’t like disappointing you, Bets. I-I never thought this would or could happen to me and-”

“Okay, stop,” Betsy interjected firmly, her hand held up.

Hillary froze in place, suddenly silent as Betsy shot her a stern expression. “I want you to stop saying you’re sorry. You have no reason to apologize to me, Gert.” Sincere understanding and empathy emitted from her eyes as she spoke. “Look, this is _your_ life- not mine. And I am _not_ _disappointed_ in you. I’m not judging you. I will say I’m really sad that things aren’t working out between you and Bill because you’ve been together forever and I love you both to death. But life changes, Hillary, and this sort of thing happens to a lot of people. Ultimately, I just want you to be happy…And if you’re happy with Chuck, then I’m glad you’ve found one another.”

          Hillary looked at Betsy with a mixture of relief and adoration, once again feeling grateful she’d been blessed with such a wonderful and true friend. She never thought of Betsy as a friend, though.  She’d always regarded Betsy as her surrogate sister who had been her lifeline for as long as she could remember. She’d been there through every stage and chapter of Hillary’s life, happy to be her friend, confidant, guide, and partner in their innocent teenage crimes.  Hillary smiled inside remembering their many adventures together.

There was the time Hillary had lost her glasses and Besty led her back home through the neighborhood like a seeing eye dog. There was also the time that they’d decided to “volunteer” to sniff out then- Mayor Daly’s purported voter fraud in Chicago. At the tender age of eleven, they’d knocked doors in neighborhoods neither of them had any business in, demanding to know who lived at each address only to have most of the doors slammed in their faces.  Then there was the time years later, when their teenage rebellion took hold. They found themselves in the middle of a volatile mob in Grant Park during the Vietnam demonstration that went horribly wrong. She and Betsy had somehow escaped without injury, and never breathed a word about it to anyone. Their parents had never let on that they knew about the girls’ defiance of their orders not to go- until years later when it was something to laugh about.  There had been many other small and not- so-small capers taken on by the duo over the years and they had always been so good for one another. Hillary tamed Betsy’s wild streak with a sense of responsibility while Betsy pulled Hillary back from her laser-focused and driven workaholism that had already become her Modus Operendi.  They’d agreed years ago that along with Hillary’s mother, Betsy had helped instill a healthy sense of rebellion in Hillary that spurred her to question authority later on. Ultimately that trait would lead her to switch her political allegiances and carve a history-making path both in her life as well as in the collective life of an entire nation.

The decades of shared memories had them bonded as family- as sisters- not friends.

          “Okay” Betsy said, resituating herself on the sofa to face Hillary more directly. “So let’s step back and unpack all of this.” Start from the beginning. Fill me in here. When did this start?”

          “A couple weeks before my birthday.” Hillary replied openly. “He invited me over for dinner- like a million times before… We got talking and things got personal. I got upset about everything going on at home and he tried to comfort me and then…” She trailed off allowing Betsy to fill in the blanks for herself. “We had been fighting it for months- and it all finally came to a head. We didn’t plan it. It just happened.”

Betsy nodded in understanding. “Does Bill know?”

“He knows it’s someone” Hillary affirmed. “But not who. He didn’t ask, either.”

“Chelsea?”

Hillary shook her head sadly, as she stared into her glass. A new pool of tears welled in her eyes, her bottom lip quivering. “No. Not yet…I have no idea where to begin with that one… She’s been through so much already and I-” Her words cut off abruptly as she tried unsuccessfully to stifle a sob. The tears came now as her heart broke. “I don’t want to hurt my daughter. I know what she expects of me- and she should.”

          “Hey, tell me more about Chuck.” Betsy said, grabbing a kleenex off of the end table and handing it to Hillary. They’d get to Chelsea later. Betsy was hoping to help her refocus. Hillary needed to weigh all sides of the equation but she also needed to focus on the positive if she was going to get through this. “Where is he now?”

Hillary wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “He’s in Phoenix with his family. His father passed away unexpectedly earlier this week. His mother called him in the middle of the night while were staying in Boston after the conference I told you about.” She looked up at Betsy, a deep regret coloring her face. “I wanted so badly to go with him, Bets. He was so heartbroken and I wanted to be there for him.  But we both knew that, with circumstances being what they are, it’d be a really bad idea.”

“But you _were_ there, Sweetie.” Betsy reminded her as she lovingly tucked a stray strand of hair behind Hillary’s ear. “You were right there when he needed you, right?”

Hillary shrugged with a nod. Yes, she’d been there but it didn’t feel like enough.

“Yeah,” Betsy continued, “I can see why you didn’t go, though. All things considered, that would’ve been a bit…messy…for both of you.  He has kids, too, doesn’t he?”

Hillary nodded, picking up her glass and draining it. “Two girls. Same age as Chels.”

Betsy nodded again, assessing and analyzing all of the information. She reached for the half empty wine bottle and poured herself another glass. Then she reached for Hillary’s. Hillary thought to say no, but dismissed the thought. She wasn’t going anywhere and, after all, was it going to hurt her to get a bit tipsy?

          “So tell me about him.” Betsy said, repositioning to recline into the corner of the sofa. “And don’t forget the details.” She shot Hillary a smirk with a wink that caused Hillary to laugh out loud.

Recovering, she gathered her thoughts. She couldn’t suppress a smile just thinking about him. “Well, there a lot of reasons. He listens to me, understands me. I never feel like I have to guard myself with him. He’s kind and thoughtful- he makes me laugh. He also treats me like a queen, spoils me rotten.” Hillary paused a moment closing her eyes before meeting Betsy’s again.  “And the sex _is_ absolutely _incredible_.”

Betsy smiled with an appreciative nod raised her wine glass in salutation. “Hear, hear! Must be nice.” She laughed before taking a sip. “I’m glad one of us is having an exciting sex life.”

 Hillary giggled and sipped from her own, feeling a sense of relief at Betsy’s humor. The world had not ended. She and Betsy were okay. Hillary went on to tell her more in detail about the first night and the following evening when he’d brought the night out into his condo. Betsy listened intently, honestly relieved to finally know what was going on. Hillary wasn’t in trouble, she wasn’t dying. She was just going through a difficult time in her life and she still trusted Betsy more than anyone to help her through it. It made her feel good to know that this connection between them was still as viable and fresh as it had been when they were young. She found herself genuinely excited for Hillary. It certainly sounded like Chuck was serious and she could see that Hillary was, too. She was obviously on cloud nine, in love and full of hope. But she also knew that for all the happiness, the other side of this was tearing her to bits. Bill had been there nearly all of Hillary’s adult life. They’d fallen in love in law school and hadn’t been apart since. The best of friends and an amazing, resilient team, they’d built a life together that was unique, fascinating, and fulfilling. However, it always seemed Bill’s self-destructive behavior created chaos at the times when things were going well. This almost always meant Hillary was left to clean up the mess and make things right- to sacrifice and take the brunt of the fallout. Whether she wanted to or not, she always did what was best for the family, for their daughter, for him. Betsy knew much of that stemmed from Dorothy’s voice always there in Hillary’s head telling her to do all she possibly could to keep her family together. Knowing the history as she did, Betsy knew that this was entirely uncharted territory for Hillary and that things between she and Bill must have become unbearably bad and that Chuck must be incredibly special. Betsy resolved to do all she could to help Hillary through this. To help her find her center, to find her answers- and to help her let go, if that was going to be the case.

   Taking a deep breath, Betsy became pensive as she absorbed all of the information. She swirled the wine in her glass. “Well, Gert, Chuck sounds exciting and full of life.”

Hillary, still smiling, leaned forward and picked up her wine glass. “He is.” She took a sip. “He’s full of life and his heart is wonderful. He’s …” she searched for the right words. “I don’t know…he’s…“

“Everything that Bill _used_ to be?” Betsy finished for her.  

Hillary’s head snapped up, her eyes immediately meeting Betsy’s. First she wanted to argue that he wasn’t but quickly realized Betsy was right. Chuck _was_ a lot like Bill had been when they’d first begun in 1971: Outgoing, intelligent, fun, warm-hearted.

Hillary’s face fell again. “You think I’m making a mistake?”

Betsy shook her head and waved her hands. “No, no, I’m not saying that. It’s just that I remember a conversation much like this one years ago when you met Bill at Yale. It’s amazing how things can come full circle like that.”

“Yeah,” Hillary replied, looking suddenly crestfallen. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

In that moment, she flashed back, instantly transported back to the day she’d first seen him looking at her in class. The way they connected in the law library and how his smile and inability to turn his eyes from her stirred something inside of her. She remembered the way he first kissed her, the way they’d made love for the first time. The way they talked and laughed and challenged one another.  Their time in New Haven, Texas, Arkansas, England. The way they worked together through every experience. The adoration in his tear-filled eyes when he learned that, after their years of trying, she was carrying his child. The way he stepped into fatherhood as if he’d been doing it all his life.

Dear God, she’d adored him- and he’d adored her. She and Bill had worked, played, lived, and loved together. Always together. They’d been one of the few couples who’d truly arrived and who’d had it all … _everything_. Where had it all gone? Where had _he_ gone? Why had he left her? Or was it she who had somehow changed? Was she now just as defenseless as he had been in his infidelity.?  As for Chuck, had she been blind or naïve to what was going on? Was her reality really what she thought it was? Was her relationship with Chuck just been a midlife crisis, a need she’d mistaken for true love? Was she just falling in love with Bill again in a different form?

Who the hell had she become? She wasn’t sure she could say. The panic rose within her as the questions ricocheted around in her head a pinball, making her crazy. Simultaneously, her heart ached and she felt a mixture of anger and sorrow, fear, guilt and doubt, stronger than she’d ever felt it before.

She missed him painfully and had forever. At that moment, something inside of her broke open. The past, the present, and the uncertainty of the future flooded her consciousness, confronting her with unbearably raw emotion and unadulterated truth.

 Tears spilled from her eyes and sobs erupted- deep, guttural, soul-level sobs that wracked her entire body. She tried to regain her composure, but the harder she tried the more emotion overwhelmed her.

Concerned, Betsy immediately moved in close, arriving there just in time for Hillary to collapse into her arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short scene in the beginning of Chapter 14. more to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THis is just the start of chapter 14. More to come tomorrow

Chapter 14

Ebeling Residence

10pm

          Betsy kept rocking, even after Hillary had cried herself to sleep. She looked down at the woman she’d known all of her life, lying in her arms like a vulnerable child who had finally found a safe place to lay her head for a brief refuge. Betsy smoothed Hillary’s hair and tightened her embrace as her eyes stung from tears of her own. Her mind spun and pounded as she thought about what it must have taken to bring Hillary to this point? How bad had things gotten that it would break her like this? How long had she suffered silently and alone with the pain? The last question stung the most because it was the one that could have been easily remedied had she just known the extent of what was going on.

 A heaviness settled in her chest and she knew why. She’d learned a lot tonight. Not just about Hillary’s plight but about herself.  Throughout all the years of revolving in and out of one another’s orbit, Betsy, like everyone else, had come to depend on Hillary’s strength and resilience. There was always the implied assumption that she could weather anything.  She was tough, impenetrable, unyielding… unbreakable. It struck Betsy harshly now that even she had been guilty of ignoring Hillary’s humanity. It was just so much more easy to be lost in awe of her than it was to remember that she was just as plagued, vulnerable, tired, pissed off, and sick of it all…just as _human_ \- as everyone else.

“I’m sorry, Hill,” Betsy whispered, choking on a whimpering sob. She bent her head down and placed a gentle kiss on the top of Hillary’s head. “I’m so sorry. I wish I’d known how bad it was. But you’re going to be okay, now. I love you and I’m here.”

Hillary didn’t move yet somehow Betsy convinced herself that her words had penetrated into Hillary’s subconscious. She took a deep breath and looked at the clock on the wall to check the time. She knew she should get up and get to bed but she wasn’t ready to move. She felt fully content right here on the sofa being a human pillow and security blanket. Feeling helpful and comforting to her dearest, best friend comforted her in turn.

Suddenly, a chime cut through the silence in the dimly lit room followed by a vibrating buzz on the table.  She looked down over Hillary to see a text message that she couldn’t quite read. Leaning back, she sighed and closed her eyes, deciding to let it go. Whoever it was could wait for Hillary to respond tomorrow. A few moments later, she heard the chime again. A few moments after that, she heard nothing at all.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hillary wakes the next morning more clear headed but an unexpected call from Bill wanting to meet leaves her on pins and needles. Betsy voices concern, offers assurance and a pep talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I'm sorry it has taken so long to get you more fic. Life's been crazy. Anyway, here's a chapter I've tried to infuse with as much humor as possible while underscoring the love and trust between these two women. Hope you enjoy-More drama to come!

7am

Hillary’s swollen eyes eased open, sensing the sunlight through the living room window. As consciousness took hold, she realized she was still on the sofa- and she wasn’t alone. Behind her, Betsy snored lightly with her head resting awkwardly on the sofa’s back rest as her arms still loosely encircled around Hillary from behind.

Slowly, she eased herself up onto her elbow just to the left of Betsy’s lap. She stifled a groan and winced as her back served up a painful scolding for sleeping in a precarious position. Careful not to disturb Betsy, she brought herself up and off of the sofa, and grabbed a throw blanket from the nearby rocking chair. As she laid it gently over Betsy, she couldn’t suppress a smile feeling warmth and gratitude for Betsy’s love and support. She’d stayed there with her all night.

Her eyes came across her phone on the coffee table instantly reminding her of her missed telephone appointment with Chuck. The message he’d left was sweet and succinct:

  _I imagine you ladies are having a ball or have fallen out by now. Please enjoy yourself.  I’m going to hit the sack myself. I’m beat. Talk to you in the morning. Xoxox_

Her heart thumped in her chest just reading his words. She also felt badly she’d missed him. She checked the time. It was shortly after seven. It would be five in Arizona. Badly as she wanted to speak to him, she didn’t want to wake him. In the meantime, she decided, she’d make some coffee- and some breakfast she and Betsy. It was the least she could do.

 A few minutes later, she’d started the coffee and was now headed for the fridge. She hadn’t cooked anything really in quite some time but she was fairly sure she could still manage scrambled eggs and toast. In fact, part of her relished the basic domesticity of making a meal. For most people it was just a mundane task. For her, it was a novel experience. 

 On her way, she stopped to look out the kitchen window just as she had the night before. The morning sun was already illuminating the snow blanketed world outside and she realized suddenly that this was the first morning in a long while that she didn’t feel as tense as a snare drum. Letting go last night had been cathartic, and despite the dull wine headache running through her head, she felt surprisingly clear-headed and more at ease this morning.

Then, retrieving a half-empty carton of eggs and a full loaf of wheat bread, she began her culinary task. Her mind began to whir again, much like the whisk in the bowl of raw eggs.

She knew two things. She had to talk to Chuck and she needed to talk to Bill. Bill’s silence this past week had been unsettling. After having bared his soul in the study, he’d said nothing since. Hadn’t called, hadn’t emailed or texted. It was if he’d left her alone to deal with everything…again.

The sound of her phone ringer brought her to attention. Chuck must’ve been up early. Now, stirring the eggs in the heated pan, she grabbed the phone before it rang again.

“Hello?”

“You’re up early.” Hillary froze as the familiar, warm southern drawl cut through her heart like a hot knife through butter.  

“Bill” she nearly stammered, suddenly fighting to sound casual. “Hi. Yeah, I’m up. I went to bed around ten. I was exhausted.”

“You and Betsy have a nice time catching up?”

Hillary went silent for a moment before answering. “It was a nice evening.”

“I was gonna call last night but I figured that’s where you were and I didn’t want to interrupt… After all these years, I think I know just how much this girls’ weekend means to you.”

“It’s always helped me regain my sanity” She agreed quietly.

Hillary couldn’t hide the tension even over the phone. She had no idea how to respond to him in that moment. She knew Bill was feeling awkward, too. She’d do her best to recover and move it forward.  “So, what’s going on with you?”

“Well,” Bill mused softly. “I was just reading a good book and looking out the window. Thinking about things. Life. What are you doing?”

A wisp of a smile came over Hillary’s face. “Believe it or not, Bill, I’m cooking breakfast.”

Hillary heard the phone drop on his end and couldn’t contain a laugh. He’d done it for effect.

“You’re doing _what_?” He teased with incredulity. “Did you make sure to take the batteries out of her smoke detector first?”

Hillary giggled and shook her head. “This phone _does_ have a disconnect button, y’know.” She recovered with a halfhearted sigh. “I don’t know. I just felt like it…And so far, there’s been no smoke detector needed.”

“Well, wonders never cease with you.”

“What can I say? I’m talented.”

“That’s very true, you are.” He trailed off for a moment, trying to build up courage before risking a stark blow to his heart. “Say, I don’t want to keep you long, Hill, but I was wondering if we could talk when you get back. Would you do me the honor of having dinner with me?”

Hillary paused. Would she? _Should_ she? Part of her was more than willing. The other part wanted to run from him. Her mind spun.

“Hill?”

“Uh… oh, sorry.” She brought a hand to her forehead and squeezed her temples between her thumb and middle fingers. They had to talk at some point. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that.”

“Ok, sounds good.” Bill replied, desperately trying to disguise the hope he felt in her answer. “I’ll see you then.”

“Okay,” She said softly. “See you then.”

With that, he disconnected and she was left with a strange anxiety stirring in her gut. Could she sit at dinner with him in her current emotional state? She didn’t know but just like everything else in her life, she’d have to find out the only way one could when facing the unknown… by walking straight into the storm armed with faith that God, that the universe had a plan.

The sound of a throat clearing caught her attention. She turned to see Betsy, half staggering while wiping sleep from her eyes. “Morning, Bets,” she said brightly.

“Good morning, Sweetie”, Betsy said. “It smells great in here.” Her eyes quickly panned the countertop. Coffee was percolating, and fluffy scrambled eggs, visible through a glass covered pan, were being kept warm. She eyed Hillary with a raised eyebrow and a soft smile. “Thank you for making the coffee… And you’re cooking? You didn’t have to do that.”

“No, not at all” Hillary chirped. . “I was happy to do it. I don’t often get to cook…You hungry? Grab a plate.”

“Well, I dunno.” Betsy said passing by Hillary to pull a coffee mug from the cupboard. “Is it safe?”

Hillary slapped Betsy’s upper arm as they both giggled. “I _can_ manage eggs, thank you.”

Betsy meandered to the coffee pot and started pouring as she continued amused. “I’ll never forget the time you made that apple pie at mom’s house.”

“Oh, God yes, I remember.” Hillary couldn’t keep a rueful smile from her face as she grabbed four slices of bread and dropped them into the toaster. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life. I was certain your mother would never let me come over again…I think the fire department called our house for month after that to make sure _my_ mother wasn’t letting me near the stove.”

“Well, don’t worry, Gert.” Betsy replied, now spooning eggs onto a plate. “Mom was glad to change the paint color in the kitchen anyway.”

20 Minutes later…

“Thanks for making breakfast, Hill” Betsy said popping the last of her toast in her mouth. “I was hungrier than I thought. And I loved those eggs.”

“Yeah,” Hillary said, pushing her emptied plate away and cradling her coffee mug in her hand. “I used a teaspoon of your Half and Half. It gives the eggs a creamy texture. Was my mom’s recipe.”

“Mmm”, Betsy hummed. “Well, my compliments to Dorothy. Please tell her I said so. Y’know, I haven’t called her in a while. I should.”

“She’d love it”, Hillary agreed. “She asks about you a lot… Speaking of phone calls, I just got off the phone myself.”

“Oh, I suppose Chuck was looking for you this morning. I think he was texting you last night.”

“Yeah, he did, but it wasn’t him.”. Hillary’s face fell slightly. “Bill called.”

Nancy paused and raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“He wants to have dinner to talk.”

Betsy eyed Hillary. “And how you feel about that?”

Hillary inhaled deeply and then shrugged. “I dunno…We have to address things at some point.”

Betsy nodded in understanding and studied Hillary’s face.  “Don’t be scared, Hill” Betsy said, reading the fear and conflicted emotion in her eyes. “It’ll be okay. No matter what happens next, you’ll be okay. Just make sure you listen to your own heart and don’t let anyone dissuade you from what you think and feel is right for you- not for Bill, not for Chelsea, not for your mother or Chuck or for me. And not for the people of New York… Do what feels right for _you_.”

Hillary could only swallow and nod.

Those words hung in the air for several moments as they sat sipping coffee in a quiet and thoughtful silence. Hillary was the first to break the silence.

“I want to thank you for taking care of me last night, Bets.” She said with a note of sheepishness. I guess I kinda lost it.”

Betsy met her eyes, a saddened kindness emanating from them. “You don’t have to thank me for anything…that’s why I’m here. And speaking of that I have something I need to say, Hillary.”

Hillary sat at attention.

 “I realized something last night.” Betsy began. “Seeing you like that last night not only concerned me. It scared me, Sweetie.”

Rueful, Hillary sighed heavily. “I’m sorry –“

“No, no” Betsy said holding up a hand to stop her. “Don’t apologize. It was a good thing because it made me realize something… It dawned on my last night that over all of these years I’ve fallen into the same trap that I think a lot of people do with you. Gert, you’re so amazingly strong and self-possessed. It’s easy for people to forget that you’re just as human as the rest of us…It was a wake-up call for me.  And I want to tell you I’m so sorry for letting you down as a friend.”

Hillary shook her head as she swallowed a mouthful of coffee. “Oh my God, Betsy. Stop. You _are_ here for me… last night- right now.”

 “Yes, but I feel like I should have felt it, known it before now. I mean, I believe I know you as well as anyone can know you. I knew when I talked to you that things were not going well but I figured it was more of the same stuff you have always gone through with Bill- and the world at large. I didn’t realize how bad things were or how much of a toll it was taking on you. I just don’t ever want you to think you can’t tell me what’s really going on. Whenever possible, I’d like to be there for you before things get to that point.”

 It was Hillary’s turn to well up a bit. She grabbed Betsy’s hand across the table. “Listen, that wasn’t your fault – it was mine. I was trying to just deal with it, and I was failing and I was embarrassed by it…Look, I wouldn’t have let you or anyone else _be_ there- I never do. But you know me. My stubborn pride gets in the way. It’s stupid and self-defeating- maybe even a bit selfish, I know, but it’s all I’ve really ever known. Something I need to work on, I guess.”

Betsy nodded. “I know but it’s just so hard to see you like that and all I want to do is protect you from that kind of pain and anxiety. Look, you have to let yourself be human sometimes, Hillary. You always try to be so strong and perfect for everyone else’s sake. And I know you’re good at it but you’ve been doing it forever- and it’s catching up with you. I think it’s important for you to know you’re not alone. You are very much loved and there are people who are happy to be here for you and support you no matter what you choose to do with your life. You need that just like everyone else does. A wise woman once told me ‘it takes a village.’”

Hillary smiled softly and became thoughtful. Another sigh as she shifted in her seat. “I will try to be better about being more transparent going forward. But, as you know, asking for help is not one my strong points.”

Betsy paused for a moment and nodded slowly.. “Yeah…I gotta tell you, you actually really suck pretty badly at that.”

Hillary met her gaze with a wry grin. “Well, thank you.”

“No, I mean like you really suck at it.” Betsy continued matter-of-factly. “Like worst ever.”

Hillary snorted a touch incredulous. “Are you trying to make me feel better?”

 “Absolutely not” Betsy replied. “I’m actually making myself feel better.”

Hillary knitted her eyebrows in confusion as she brought her cup to her lips.

 “Really.” Betsy continued, the mischief in her eyes belying her straight face. “It’s sort of refreshing, actually. I mean, after all you should have to suck at _something_.”

Hillary’s hand came up to cup over her mouth, but she was a split second too late. Coffee sprayed from her lips, christening the table in Starbuck’s brand brew, as she and Betsy burst into an unexpected fit of laughter that both of them needed more than either had realized.


End file.
